Voided Tangent
by yourbeautifulnightmare
Summary: COMPLETE: Ginny is dying of terminal cancer and Draco is her support, her passion and her intended. With first point of view of their life and their love, an insight to their innermind and strength of character is witnessed and remembered.
1. Chapter 1

**Voided Tangent**

Disclaimer: I _wish _I owned these characters! Needless to say, characters in this fic belong to JK Rowling, and it counts for all chapters. I also got my inspiration for this fic from a book called _My Sister's Keeper _by Jodi Picoult. It's about a sick girl called Kate and her sister Anna who was genetically conceived to donate body parts and blood etc to her sister. It's one of those books that you just don't forget. GO TO YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY AND READ NOW!

To people who read _My Study Partner _and are still waiting for the sequel… please don't shoot me. ( I have been caught up with life and I have to admit to myself… I couldn't find any inspiration to continue the story. I haven't given up, I still plan to finish it, but I needed something new to work with, so there is this fic. Thank you if you still follow my fics, I really, really do appreciate it.

A word of warning, I will not be updating this fic madly since I would die of exhaustion. An updated chapter may appear within four days or a week, it depends on how busy I get.

(Btw. I haven't actually read the HP books in a while so I may change some of the plots and the actions. Please note that I have considered this and some things will be different from the original text.)

▪Ж▪

_May 3rd, 2006_

Dear diary? Merlin, no. Not after my second year. Maybe I don't need to address you. Well… anyway, here I am, Ginny Weasley, in all my twenty three years of glory sitting on my couch with this new diary I bought in Diagon Alley today. Ever since I received the news about my sickness… I don't know, I've had this gnawing desire to pen my thoughts and memory to paper.

Where to start? I'm not sure… maybe I should really start with who I am. Again… my name is Ginny Weasley. I'm twenty three and I'm dying. I have cancer… don't ask where because there will be a list. I have long red hair. Real, red hair, not that carroty orange stuff. I have pale skin and my fiancé says I'm entirely too thin. Sometimes I just feel too tired to eat…

I want someone to read this. When I'm long gone, when everybody forgets, I need someone to remember. Everyone was so upset about my diagnosis, and scared, scared for me. My cancers are incurable. I'm scared. I'm scared of loneliness but I don't want to admit it. Melodramatic of me, I know, but I want people to read this after I'm dead. Growing up with a big family with six brothers, jeez, you'd think I'd have lots of company but sometimes there's just too much. Only one other person understands and can cure the aching lonliness, but I'm going to hurt him in return.

Merlin, reading back, I'm going in circles. But I think in circles. Also, I'm too tired to get my wand to fix the errors which is in the kitchen. Always too tired. I think I'll just leave them. If you knew me well enough, you know that I can be confusing.

I'll start from the beginning… I suppose. Usual, get born, go through your baby can't do nothing stage, grow rapidly into a toddler and whinge for that mini broom with pink electric stripes that costs more than your father earns in a year. Then you enter that awkward 9-12 years of age stage where you're stuck with being a girly girl and a tomboy, where interests dip and sway and you desperately crave attention. I was definitely very tomboy-ish at that age. It comes with living with Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George and Ron, all notably masculine names. Mum wasn't too pleased. I suppose sometimes she just wasn't used to raising a girl.

Oh god. Harry Potter. He's every little eleven year old girl's dream. Let me count the ways why I loved him _at the time._ 1. He was the saviour of the Wizarding world. 2. He was my closest brother's best friend. 3. He was really, really cute. 4. He was _nice. _How could have I resisted? The real hammer on the nail was when he saved me. Sure, whatever. I was possessed by a diary, summoned up a deadly snake, got trapped in an underground lair, blah blah, story of my life. I was infatuated with Harry.

Well, anyway, I didn't have the guts to hook in with him, seeing as I was just a little girl who had survived a near death experience so I settled with admiring from afar. There was just so much to admire. His hair was pretty. (_Yes! I thought "pretty!") _He had wicked (in the good sense) green eyes that were startling and he was _Harry Potter,_ the boy who lived and saved me. In retrospect, it was embarrassing how I crushed on him so badly and obviously, but hey, I was a little girl.

Life goes on. I became friends with Colin Creevey and Luna Lovegood. Not just forget-me-as-life-goes-on friends, real, true friends who stick with you after it seems like there's nothing left of each other to stick to. We played in the sun a lot. I got lots of freckles. My scarlet hair highlighted to orange in some places. Life was so simple. I was scared of Snape and what McGonagal would say if I was late to her transfig. class. I was _happy. _Because I was a child.

And then my fourteenth rolled by and then, I wasn't really that childish. Thinking back, I remember standing in front of the mirror starkers; and thinking _wow, I never looked like this before. _It was nice, knowing I was breaking out of this child/teen limbo stage. I felt older. I looked older. Whenever I went out with Colin in muggle London during the holidays men honked the horns of their cars at me whilst Colin shook his fist at them and made me laugh. It was a bit harder in Wizarding London, since a) the majority of wizards and witches didn't use cars and b) my robes were very bulky. But yeah, it's damn pathetic that guys waste petrol driving up and down roads blasting horns at girls, but for someone who had just broken out of their shell, it was damn _nice,_ being noticed for once.

And I would know about wanting to be noticed.

Fourteen years old was a turning point in my rather plain life. Like mentioned before, boys. I'm grinning. Honestly. I'm _such _a slut. As my fiancé likes to remind me continuously. We have weird senses of humour and I love him so.

Fourteen is where I helped Harry and the whole adventure with the thestrals. It was one of those moments in my life that made my existence really interesting. It was one of the moments where you truly felt alive, and you acknowledged how mundane and _safe _life was before. It reminds you how fragile you are. Then life settles back into its steady routine and you find comfort in that too.

Harry was still the object of my affections, but I knew I didn't have a chance so I figured, with my new found sense of a curvy body, screw it. Move on. Keep a little corner of your heart there for him but just fucking move on. Flirting. Now that, was fun. Retrospectively, and there are going to be a lot of retrospective views here, I was pretty much a whore! Luna and I, bless her true oddities, wouldn't sleep with all the guys, we weren't _that _bad, but we did have competitions to see how many guys we could pash at parties before the nights end. The loser had to write each other's essays.

Oh god. Those were the days.

Of course, HarryRonandHermione, (for fuck's sake, their names are like one word) didn't notice. I don't blame them, but they were always too caught up in their own personal adventure and friendship to pay over-attention to the student grapevine of Hogwarts. Harry was quite unaware of my ferocious and flighty party antics and still didn't pay me much attention. Fine, I was cool with that.

My life revolves around the idea that you get what you give. If I was patient enough, if I worked hard enough, if I _hoped _enough, great things will come my way. You have to pay. I knew that. Everything comes at a price and I fully embraced this. It gave me my strength. It lets me justify my life and it helps me sleep at night.

Oh wow. Then I turned fifteen and I got my break.

--

_This is just a memory…_

"Oh for god's sake Dean," I yell, my harsh voice echoing off the walls of the prefects bathroom. I am clutching a towel to my body trying to dry it off and Dean is doing the same. We are both glaring intensely at each other. I'd invited him to come take a bath with me with the intention to have some "fun." But not the "let's lose our virginity" type of fun. I'm only in my freaking fifth year.

To hell and back, fucking Merlin, what was I thinking? How stupid am I to think that one thing wouldn't lead to another?

So we're in that massive tub, nearly drowning because we're put our breathing on hold and then his hands start going there… so I stop him. Why can't he just wank? Of _course _he has to go blow his top off at me. You know what he said? Do you _know _what he said? He reckoned I didn't want to give myself up because I was saving myself for Potter!

Which was true.

But still!

Presumptuous bastard!

So we finally get dressed and I do a quick drying charm on my hair. I see him shivering and he's still glaring so I fold my arms over my chest and glare right back at him. It's a battle of wills for long moments then I win and he stomps off, rivulets of water streaming down his dark neck from his equally dark hair.

I'm not upset. I'm not pissed off. I'm not scared. He's gone and I'm surprised how I don't give a toss. Well… yeah anyway. Things haven't been going well with us. He's so cocky, jealous and annoying. I used to just ignore that because he is pretty damn hot, but now I just want to punch him. I'm going to have to break up with him soon, else I murder him.

So I ignore him for a week or so. One night at dinner, he comes up to me with one of his sweet smiles and I feel my soothed anger completely dissipate and I agree to have a study session in the library, which is another way of saying we'll half-heartedly jab at our homework whilst play footsies underneath the table and sneak kisses when Pince has her back turned. Things are back to normal and he's obviously gone and wanked to lose some of his freaking sexual tension.

Looked as if life was going to go back to normal. I give Colin a chaste but warm hug when he tells me he got accepted into a muggle photography camp during the summer holidays. Then, and this really freaked me out, Dean melted out of one of the many shadows Hogwarts has at night and just glared daggers at me after Colin's gone.

"Why don't you just invite Creevey over to join us and we'll have a little fuck session. Oh wait. You're just too much of a prude," he hissed. I was taken aback for a moment at the cruelty laced with his words but I got my wits together.

"Fuck. You. Dean," I breathed out in a soft voice. I can feel the roar of anger in my ears and my fingers are dragging into fists.

"No. You could never quite, you freak. What the hell is wrong with you Ginny?" Dean taunted. I never answered. Not verbally anyway. My fist connects with his jawbone so fast that it surprised me even. I heard this loud _crack_ and Dean just sank. I was still swimming with anger but it was diluted with the anger outlet of violence.

I hear this drawling voice behind me saying "nice one Weaslette. I've always wanted to do that myself."

Oh god, it was Malfoy the prefect. Malfoy being a prefect was one of those twisted, odd things. It was stupid. His whole freaking persona had nothing to do with abiding the rules yet he gets roles like: responsible member of the Hogwarts student body!

Ugh. And then Malfoy goes and does the oddest thing. He reaches out with his hand at gently flexes out the fist that I punched Dean with and rubs it softly. It feels good, which is weird.

"Nothing wrong with your hand. That's a good strong fist you have," and he smirked evilly and enigmatically. "Run along Weasley, I'll deal with this Gryffindor wanker." he commands and I'm just too shocked to do anything. Dean's groaning on the floor and I just don't want to deal with him so I do as he says.

It turns out that Malfoy said to Pomfrey that Dean got into a punch up but the other "guy" ran away before Malfoy could do anything. Dean had a broken jaw, but even if he didn't, he wouldn't admit he got beat up by a _girl. _Who happened to be his _ex-_girlfriend. I take much pleasure in that.

Now… is it just me? Or is Harry looking at me strangely…?

Without Dean in the picture now, I focus my attention on the two most important things in my life. One, is being a tool with Colin and Luna, and in general, having an wicked fun time, and two, kicking arse as my position as chaser on the Gryffindor quidditch team.

Time passes. I'm kicking off from the ground fast at Hooch's whistle. My special (yet ancient) edition Comet 370 knows me like the back of my hand. I catch the quaffle, I dive to dodge a bludger, I swerve to avoid Malfoy who is snitch searching and I hurl the quaffle at Angie. Flying towards her as fast as possible, I catch the quaffle again and slide it through one of the hoops. Slytherin's keeper doesn't have a chance.

Again and again, quaffle interchanges, bitchy remarks swapped around from team member to team member… Harry catching the snitch.

We've won the fucking Quidditch Cup! Just before Ron nearly bowls me over in mid-air, I can see Draco directly ahead of me. His shock and bitter disappointment is almost tangible and I feel for him momentarily before I bask in the sweet, sweet glory of fucking victory! God, I'm so happy. There's so much noise. Gryffindor colour everywhere, everyone telling me I did a great job.

I don't know how I made it back to the common room.

I don't know how all this food got here.

I don't know why, but Harry is suddenly kissing me and I can't breathe and I don't care because I can't feel anything except for how good everything feels altogether.

--

I'm definitely a girl of colourful languages. Mum, when you read this, I'm sorry. I don't use profanity all the time, but it's just a part of me. It's a part of my personality which is in the now. I guess there's a little bit of my life story. Riveting. I knew that if I waited patiently Harry would come around. I'm good like that. I was always the girl who everybody loved, but ignored.

It's starting to rain heavily outside and the sound is comforting. My sexy lover boy should be coming back soon. One of those Ministry corporate dinners they have. Tonight, I feel especially tired and I swear I can feel the medication coursing through my veins.

Sixteen was all about my individuality. Oh sweet sixteen.

Sixteen was when the most important thing in my life came into my life. He is more important than my living at all. He's the one who made me love him so much it was painful. He's the one who made me open my eyes.

Gods, this dodgey quill doesn't do how much I care about him justice. The damage he's done to me is irrevocable, I've completely given myself up to him, and I have him in return.

And he's always coming back to me, even on this rainy night where I'm lazing on his couch and getting ink stains on his cushions. Even if I look and feel like a lump of shit, he's always there, with his soothing hands, his soft platinum hair and his enigmatic, evil, loving, smirk.

Yeah. Did you ever see it coming? Did you ever think I could love the amazing ferret so much?

It was as unexpected, as potent, as life-consuming and demanding as dying with terminal cancer.

If it were Draco Malfoy and the terminal cancer, or no cancer and no Draco at all? I don't have to think twice. Life always comes with the good and the bad. But I luck out on this occasion though, Draco far outweighs the bad. I have never had a doubt about that.

▪Ж▪


	2. Chapter 2

Before I begin, please forgive me for typos. Please forgive me for grammatical errors, I'm usually too impatient to update to edit properly. And I want to be an editor when I leave school… dream on Jessica.

**Chapter Two**

▪Ж▪

_May 6th, 2006_

A diary; a journal; a notebook. Right. I've seen Ginny writing in one of these lately, so I figured, let's start one too. No. I lie. Ginny just looked at me expectantly one those doe eyes of hers and suggested that I start one because it was stress relieving and it was good to get all your feelings out, to ink down your thoughts and never forget them when you need them the most. It sounded like the words had more meaning to it, but she didn't feel like talking, so I let it drop.

Ginny also happened to be flicking through a wedding magazine so she also could be thinking that love diaries that the two of us will have written would be romantic and a great wedding gift idea.

I love Ginny's crazy wedding ideas. I can feel the fuzzy feeling right now, from my scalp to my toes. It's disgusting. It's wonderful.

As if she doesn't I already love her.

Ginevra Weasley, and I, Draco Malfoy are to wed on July the 2nd. What was that? Weasley? Malfoy? Wed in the same sentence?

Of course I'm barking. Barking mad with love. I sound like an idiot. Luckily no one will be reading this. Except for maybe Ginny.

I'm just thinking back here, to what Ginny said a couple of months ago. We were at 'The Burrow' (I still can't conceive _why_ her family lives at a dwelling where rodents live! Oh wait, I've just answered my question. I'm so _kind _to my family in-law.)

Ahhh crap I've lost my place. Damn brackets. Well, we were at the Burrow, and it was Christmas time, and we were gorging ourselves on chocolate. Merlin, Ginny and I are going to get so fat, but anyway, she said that she had a dream that somebody wrote a book about our lives. Well, namely _Potter's _life. Since he's the fucking saviour of the whole freaking world. Damn that Ginny for making me soft inside! I may appreciate what wonder-boy has done, but I still don't like him.

Off-track. Anyway, she said that somebody wrote books about our lives and it was narrative. _Apparently_ I was a bastard to Potter and his troopers. No wait, she said I was a bastard to everyone. This person, whoever he or she is, is very correct. Ginny continuously reminds me of this fact. I am very bastardly despite the fact my parents were married when I was born. Writing in this diary will furthermore cement my dastardliness.

I can't help it.

Gods, I remember when I was a kid, I'd walk down Diagon Alley with my mother and father, ¾ of an hour after Narcissa finished fussing with my appearance. Back at the Manor, I'd been dying to get out of the house and just go shopping but Lucius and Narcissa _always _insisted that I look my very best, because there were always eyes out there. Watching you, judging you, reporting about you.

_Yeah whatever,_ I thought at the time. Then I got shown to the outside world. I was six years old. Six years old! I could already sniff down at someone who could be forty years older than me and treat him with the cold, calculated malice Lucius had. Lucius always breathed into my ear; "look at that filthy child, he's already too poor to afford decent attire and now he's jumping in that puddle. Look, his brother is joining in too. Simple pleasure's for simple minds." Moments before I was tensing, getting ready to jump into a puddle myself.

One of the first rules branded into my mind. Malfoys do not enjoy simple pleasures, since our minds are not simple in the first place.

I now realise how much of my childhood I had spent trying to be an adult, but I remember why I did it. It gave me attention and it gave me praise. Any positive attention and any praise, made my father proud, and that became an obsession.

Fuck, I craved attention.

I still do. Ginny tells me this every second day or so. She always falls for this. Our conversation generally flow like this:

Me: With you by my side, all the girls will you at you, then look at me, then nearly combust because of my outrageous good looks, oh, and with your beauty too. Men will then grind their teeth with jealousy, because I have such a hot fiancé whilst other men will forgo your beauty because I have converted them.

Ginny: You little attention craving brat! All you notice is yourself and how to use people to get other people to notice you!

Me: It comes naturally, my dearest Ginevra. Attention, usually sexual attention, always befalls me. Admit it, it affects you as well! It's always about me. You're undressing me with your eyes right now.

Of course, I am right. I can tell when Ginny's got sex on her mind because she's always running her tongue over her lips and biting them subconsciously. I am so great. This is the best part. Ginny _always_ falls for this, and I've yet to tell her. The thought of her knowing this anyway and letting me get away with it never crossed my mind…

Ginny: You! Uh… I ah…

Then I smirk. It's like second nature. It's almost as natural as loving Ginny. Ginny, who says she cannot stand my smirk, (when really, it turns her on) always kisses the smirk off my face. Merlin, I'm grinning like a thirteen year old who's just gone on his first date and has achieved the first, sloppy kiss of his life.

I love kissing my fiancé.

And damn.

Can she kiss back or what?!

Sometimes, when Ginny's feeling well enough, the kissing leads to groping, and the groping turns into clothes tearing, and after all of that… well… we're just lying on the floor, breathing hard and saying to each other, "shit, our clothes!"

Merlin, just thinking about her, even her bare ankles can make me hard. Ginny also supposes I'm too horny. It pisses her off to no end when I can see right through her and she knows that I'm the best and the only stud in her life. I wish Ginny were here right now, but she's gone to see this new movie in a series that Colin got her and best friend Luna addicted to.

I can't deal with a boner right now, so I'll think of Snape and McGonagal confessing their love to each other.

Damn, it's not working, I'm thinking of Ginny and I confessing our love instead. Oh, I've got it. Hagrid in racy black lingerie. Oh Merlin, my quill is shaking. My body is cooling down now. Hagrid, no better way to turn off a horny man.

Back to kissing Ginny. One of my favourite pastimes. Sometimes her cancer has this way of flaring up on particular days, making days where she should be comfortable and happy be one of the most depressing. These days are the worst. With these days, you can see the apparently healthy and happy Ginny morph into terminally ill Ginny, who hasn't seen the light of day, who has trouble sleeping and has trouble eating.

It's days like these where her whole body is wracked with pain, and no amount of morphine potion will take it away. Days like these where they last forever. It's days like these when Ginny feels like she's actually dying. We have serious talks on these days.

We talk about our future. Our painfully short future. I look into her eyes and I know her pity isn't for herself. It's for me. Ginny's pity is the only one I accept. If Ginny is transparent to me, I am even more transparent to her. She sees right through all my bullshit and I don't have to explain. It's the strongest reason why I love her.

I'm afraid for her, but she always says that she's not scared. We both know that's not true. She definitely knows she doesn't have to lie to me. Denial isn't always as bad as it's made out to be. I know I'm scared. I know I'm scared shitless to be without her. She's the constant in my life, the bar I reach out for when I'm falling, to keep me steady and sane.

But she is dying. The healers said she wasn't going to live past twenty two. Well _fuck them. _She's twenty three and I'm not letting go… but it's like I'm trying to grab the rope that's connected to her. I know the rope is there, I know if I hold it in my hands she will never be torn away from me… but the rope is invisible. It's crushing, knowing that one simple cure could be invented to save her, but there _is _no cure. I can't hold that rope. I'm right here, it's in my vicinity but I'm too human to save her.

Ginny understands though. I'm twenty four and we've been together since I was seventeen. Even if I try to explain how useless I feel or not, she'll just know with her warm brown eyes and sweet smile. She has always known. It makes my dying heart liven up a bit, whilst ever since her diagnosis back in 2003, a dagger has been rammed into my stomach. Every day, it slithers up my stomach, millimeter by millimeter, it's slicing up to my heart, killing it when the cancer finally consumes her completely, causing pain in every second of its ascension.

Every time I think about Ginny leaving me, I feel like I can't move. I'm a cocky bastard. I boast my strength but really I'm just a blade of grass. On the bad days, I just can't cope. Ginny relies on me to get her through this, but when I'm the mess, she's the strong one.

Ginny is always the strong one. I need her, I admit, I need her to be strong for me. To keep myself from hurting, to let myself wallow in denial, because all I am is a selfish bastard and Ginny is the one with everything and she always gives.

▪Ж▪

_This is just a memory…_

_Ugh, Christmas,_ I think as I stride through the familiar hallways and corridors of Hogwarts. It's Christmas Eve and I think I'm going to puke. Everybody is so freaking happy. There is a war raging on outside of these school walls, but no one is afraid anymore. Any one of these days, Voldemort is going to be defeated.

Good, I'm glad. Stupid hypocritical wanker.

_My final year at Hogwarts…_ I'm the Head Boy. _That _means I have to traipse around the school for three hours on the lookout for idiots who are dumb enough to sneak firewhisky into their common room then rove around the castle so shit faced they're going to trip over and probably crush to death "Mrs Norris."

Ah, Filch, another wanker I never liked.

Oh great, now I'm thinking _I'm going to miss this place. _But why am I kidding myself? It will be bittersweet leaving Hogwarts. Sweet, because I'll be a fully fledged wizard and I won't need Lucius's protection. Bitter, because this castle is a sanctuary. Merlin, thinking back now, how many times have I hid in this castle's protection?

This will be the seventh year I've stayed at the castle for Christmas. Honestly, fuck going back to the Manor. If I have to hear father talk anymore about my initiation or my duty, I'm going to bust every vein in my body. Now that I think about it… I don't think dear old dad will be at home.

I hope he gets thrown into Azkaban for life. Pedantic bastard. Oh god, mum. I love you but you are a fool. I can't do anything for you, you followed father and you'll follow him to death or jail.

I wonder what Blaise is up to. He's probably having an orgy with as many chicks as possible in the Slytherin dorm. Bloody hell, I have to admit, to myself only, Blaise and I are pretty damn lucky. What is it with chicks that fall for either very pale or very dark skinned and haired boys? Though Zabini and I are best mates till the very end, we're always at our throats at who's fucked the most girls. Currently, his notch is about fifteen more than me, but I've got more shit going on, with Lucius and the controversy around me.

Oh god, there's always controversy and shit going on around me. It comes with being a Malfoy. Damn Blaise, he always sees through my lies. He figured out there's a girl that I actually like. He says, "Draco. You haven't fucked a girl, _any _girl, for four months. The longest you can normally hold out for is a fortnight."

Damn him.

Good thing he doesn't know _who _the girl is. If he knew it was Ginny Weasley I'd never hear the end of it.

I can't concentrate on finding shit faced students killing Mrs Norris with their weight. I've got to get this silly redheaded girl off my mind! Damn her hot body, damn her sexy hair and _damn_ her pretty face! Life was going perfectly before she had to go punch Thomas _last_ year. Women recreating violence, it's a dick-hardening thought. I'm trying to figure out why I can't stop thinking about her. I think it's because she can actually stand up for herself whilst looking like a lost kitten. Innocent and naïve with sharp retractable claws.

Every time I get into bed with a girl, it's her face I see. It's her name I nearly always moan in the dark and when I can actually see the chick I'm screwing, I can't help but think _whatever. _After a year or so of boring sex, I've just given up. The girls will just have to flock to Zabini.

As if seeing her in my dreams are not enough. The past year I have noticed her every, fucking, day. I'm nearly ready to stab myself because I am quietly going mad. Maybe I should just stab Potter instead. Now _that _would be satisfying. Thank god the two split. As if seeing Ginny or Potter separately wasn't bad enough. Seeing them together was, just, ugh, blind rage. On one hand, Ginny with her face flushed and her eyes starry was enough to make me need to wank underneath the table. On the other hand, seeing Potter was enough to make my dick never want to see the day of light again. Once Potter touched Ginny, I couldn't see anything but my food on the table else Potter would be in a morgue.

I loathe to say this, but I'm getting desperate. Despite Lucius's love-affair with Voldemort, he was right about Malfoys. Malfoys are never desperate. Bloody fucking Merlin, does this mean I'm not a Malfoy?

Malfoy, the sexual conquistador, bedded more girls than usual for a seventeen year old male, can't get the girl he's crushing after and must resort to cruel remarks to win her affection. The only bloody way to get her attention! We've been trading insults ever since she threw that fantastic punch! Nearly every time I speak to her, her face softens up at first. I'm pretty sure it was because I massaged her hand.

Impulse. Mafoys never act on impulse. I think I am the first exception in my whole family.

Then I insult her and her face hardens like granite. If looks could kill…

Fuck. I'm a Malfoy! She should be putty in my hands but she's damn unreachable.

I've reached Ravenclaw tower and I haven't seen any pissed people. Must all be celebrating inside. Now that I look around, I fully comprehend just how much _tinsel _Hogwarts uses. Red tinsel. Red hair, Ginny… in my bed.

I don't know how much longer I can keep my sanity.

Time to circle back to the Great Hall where I finish my duty. _Is that knocking on the front doors? _

I listen carefully. It's getting close to midnight so I could just be hearing things. The side effects of madness I suppose. I can definitely hear knocking and a voice. Who the hell is out there so late at night? Hogwarts has taken to sealing all entrances at seven thirty as a safety precaution. I suppose that even if the Death Eaters are being defeated, they're still a threat.

My wand is out at the ready and I have a _reliable _sneakoscope in my palm. It isn't whirring. I reach the heavy doors, tap it with my wand and mutter an incantation under my breath that lets me see through any object. Dumbledore taught Granger, the Head Girl, and I the spell in case a situation like this arose.

I wasn't expecting to see a figure huddled quite close to the door. But my common sense caught up with me and of course, it's snowing outside.

"Who is it?" I ask through the wood.

"Ginny Weasley! Open up! I forgot it would be locked so tight. Please, it's so cold!"

Damn my traitorous heart, for beating so fast. I take last look at my stationary sneakoscope and I know this Ginny wasn't an imposter. I wrench open the doors to a flurry of snow and there she is; the bane of my existence. She's got this little "o" of surprise on her lips and her hair is flying everywhere with the wind and snow. I feel like I'm having one of those ridiculous "moments" just staring at her.

Right. Before I know it, I've pulled her by the waist out of the cold and into the warmth and the door slams shut, magically resealing itself. Before I can shake off the surprise she says, "why do you always have such a cold, expressionless face?"

Thank you so much Ginny! I thought my lower jaw was about to disengage from my face because having you about five inches in my face is like having your beauty magnified to a painfully high amount and I have to keep telling myself that you're unreachable though there is no real plausible reason why.

I must reply in style. Her face! I can't stop thinking about her face! "Why do you always have such a freckled flaming face?"

Her face crumples and I wish I had that knife to stab myself.

The next best thing is to talk her out of the sadness. Maybe I can amend myself by saying this. "What the fuck are you thinking? Weasley, it's minus ten out there and you could've been in so much danger! It's almost midnight."

"Oh my god! You care?" she replies in a fake high voice.

"Of course I don't care. Don't flatter yourself."

"Always knew you'd make a shit Head Boy. How much money did you pay up this time?" Her voice is icy. Icy enough to rival mine. Damn. She's got me there. I didn't actually pay any amount of money. Dumbledore paired me up with Granger so he probably thought some good would come into me because of the responsibility.

"Don't speak of what you don't know about." This earned me a heated glare, which looked particularly sexy with her rosy cheeks. "Come on, I'll take you back to your common room." What I really meant to say was, "I'll take you now! On the ground!"

Another glare received.

Turns out, The Fat Lady was too busy partying with some monks and some other equally obese women so Ginny was stuck.

I felt like flying to the moon whilst also feeling like dropping down to the ground and sleeping. It's worrying to think about how happy I am with her simply by my side. So I say the stupidest thing.

"Come back to my room Ginny."

There was a moment's pause whilst her startled eyes did that piercing thing with mine and I felt like bashing my head against the wall like Dobby. Never once have I made this much of a fool of myself.

"Okay." She barely whispered it.

I take her cold little hand my big warm one and lead her down into the dungeons, all the while feeling like I'm walking up into heaven instead. Thank Merlin for my cold "Malfoy" control. Else I'd be dancing and that's… just, no. I'm continuously conscious of her hand in mine, her steady footsteps and her soft breath close to my ear.

Arriving at the common room statue, I spin her around quickly and tap her head. A startled gasp later, Ginny is invisible.

"Evergreen," I say to the gargoyle statue and immediately it jumps aside revealing a doorway. I tilt my head, Ginny gets the picture and we're none the wiser.

I have a private room. This private room is the strongest factor in me becoming Head Boy. Privacy is something to be appreciated greatly. I descend even more steps, nodding at Blaise who's got a girl straddling his lap and I'm ignoring everyone else's suspicious stares. Reaching my room, I unlock it with my wand and swiftly I'm inside. I can feel Ginny push against me and I know she's in as well. The door shuts with a snap.

I reverse the spell and I have to stop myself from gasping at the invisibility wearing away. The warmth has made her cheeks rosier and her eyes brighter. She's got a cheeky little smile on her face, the smile she reserves for her brother and her two closest friends.

_God, you sound like a stalker Malfoy. _Damn brain and your traitorous thoughts! I prefer "study intensely."

She reaches into her jeans pocket and withdraws her wand, waving it in the air.

"Look," she says softly. I look up. "Mistletoe." I stare back down at her in amazement and she just leans up and kisses me. Slow and sweet. I can feel my heart exploding. As simple as that. "Merry Christmas."

"Thank you." And for once I meant it. I'm at a loss at what to do. Normally with any other girl, the clothes would be off by now and we'd be in bed. Ginny was actually in my bed, leaving me standing by the doorjamb but was fully clothed.

So I manage to dredge up out of my memory, "why were you outside at this time of night?" I'm surprised at how… tender, my voice sounds. This is very unnatural.

"Talk tomorrow, sleep now," she replies with a little heart breaking smile. So for the first time, I slip into _my _bed with a girl, and let her get away with only sleeping in it.

▪Ж▪

I have to get Ginny's medication ready for her. She'll be pretending she's strong throughout the movie, enjoying herself so Colin and Luna will treat her like normal, but she's going to be exhausted when she gets home.

Frankly, I am too. Only because I know her heart beats in rhythm with mine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

▪Ж▪

_May 10th, 2006_

Oh Merlin, I am good. I got ickle Ronnikins into a headlock and he couldn't get out of it! Auror training is definitely paying off… too bad I had to quit. Mum glared at me all through our fortnightly Sunday lunch. Whether it was because of somebody hurting her little baby boy, her daughter acting like a boy though she is twenty three and a _girl, _or perhaps it's because I'm setting a bad example to all my little nieces and nephews.

Knowing mum, it's all of the above.

Ron's glaring balefully at me so I'm outside in the backyard, facing the wide Weasley property. We may be poor, but we have massive yard. I've found myself taking more and more time just to stand around and stare. Who knew death would make you this introspective?

Just from where I'm lazing on our rusted outdoor daybed, I can still see the tree with a big gaping hole on its trunk out in the distance where a branch used to be. I remember as clear as day, Ron and I were little kids and we snuck Charlie's broom out and decided to go joy riding whilst the family was occupied and were not supervising their youngest kin. Ron was being an idiot and was trying to impress me by flying with his eyes closed. I was sitting behind him with my tiny arms wrapped around his body, trusting him completely like little sisters do. I actually _was _impressed that Ron was able to fly in a straight line with his eyes shut. He even flew without his hands on the broom and I thought he was the greatest brother out in the world and I was about to tell him but I screamed instead when I opened my mouth. He had completely turned a blind eye to a branch we were flying straight towards to.

Ron noticed at the last moment and he balled up his shoulder to protect us both and fractured it in so many places that even mum winced.

It's all highly traumatic for a four year old like Ron.

The neighbours gave our family concerned looks after mum was through with Ron. Her yelling was _that _loud. You'd think that that incident would scar me for life but it didn't. It triggered a thrill and generated the love for quidditch, just like all my other brothers. Yes, even Percy loves quidditch even though he's so much of a pansy you wouldn't really believe it.

Looking further past the damaged tree I see the signs of an early spring in England. It's comforting and a little sad; knowing that life will go on even when I'm gone. Draco picked just that moment to walk in with coffee, bridal magazines and Pigwidgeon riding on his head. He gives me an anxious expression but I can't help but laugh. Pig absolutely _loves _Draco, much to his chagrin. Draco smiles at my reaction instead of his usual eye roll and it's like the sun is breaking through heavy clouds.

I am such a sap over Draco. I've had moments where I swear I can feel that my mind is mushy with love over him. I can't help it though, when he smiles that special smile he reserves for me, he makes everything seem okay. _Especially_ when he has _Ron's _miniature owl nuzzling his platinum blonde hair!!!

Now we've finished our idle chit chat and the merits of headlocking Ron, I'm just resting in his arms, our coffee long finished. We're both silent now, watching the sun's tentative attempt to warm the winter-bitten land, listening to the gentle breeze and the soft scratching of my quill on parchment. It's just so god-damn poetic. I feel like I'm in a poem, a short, sweet one where you can just read over it again and again, effortlessly. I know life will end, but unlike a short poem, it won't just start over again. Not for an individual. Not for me.

Perhaps life is like a thick novel. A really, thick novel where you've spent as much time as possible reading it, finishing it and wanting to reread, but you know it's impossible because your life is busy. The story is over. Maybe it's like having that satisfaction of completing it but having it only as a faded memory because you were rushing to get to the good parts, the exciting parts, the important parts.

Too caught up to read each word, to appreciate how every sentence is linked and structured and the quality of the text…

Perhaps cancer is making me think up too many similes.

But who knows? I sure would like to.

Draco's breathing has gotten really slow and steady so I know he's asleep. Draco's angelic when he's asleep. The complete antithesis to when he's awake. When Draco's sleeping, he doesn't smirk, (which I secretly think is the most sexiest expression a man can make, namely Draco, who is the only guy who can pull it off), he doesn't tease Ron, he doesn't give basilisk stares to his adversaries, he doesn't ridicule the minister Fudge and make him sputter in embarrassment and indignation and he certainly doesn't pull on my bra strap when I least expect it…

Owowow, I turn around to nuzzle my fiancé, in an act of affection and it turns out he was half asleep because he bit my nose! He is so not getting any tonight.

I can actually feel his smirk.

…Holy crap I just saw this dress in one of the bridal magazines that I have fallen in love with. It's strapless with flawless white silk. It's stunning in its simplicity and only has a small amount of silver embroidery fringing along the top. I swear that dress was made for me, though the price is quite high…

Draco surprises me and says from behind my shoulder by my ear, "if it is what my Ginny wants, it is what my Ginny gets." Now he's kissing my neck and I don't think I can write much more because I'm falling in this abyss of a fantasy called Draco Malfoy…

▪Ж▪

_This is just a memory…_

"…Ginevra Weasley! Congratulations!" says Dumbledore from the podium and I can hear loud cheering from the large crowd, especially from my family. I step out from the orderly Gryffindor rows and step towards my headmaster with a wide grin in place. I'm so happy that I've graduated from Hogwarts with high honours, being in the top five of the year.

Dumbledore's got that twinkle in his eye that he reserves for every single one of his students, pre, present or past. He smiles as he hands over my diploma and shakes my hand in the most reassuring way possible. He can see right into my happiness and my desire to be an individual and an independent person and he knows about Draco and how happy he makes me as well. He looks at me with genuine happiness as well and I can feel all of that in one steady handshake.

I walk back to my place in line and grin at Colin who grins back. I walk back feeling like I've suddenly surprised the age of student into the world of adult and I love it. Staring out into the crowd, I catch Draco's eyes and the dancing merriment behind them. I can also see his proud smirk, knowing the pride is for me.

Draco finished his studies at Hogwarts last year much to my despair. That meant I had to spend most of the year without his company. Some scoffed at our newly together-status last year, writing it off as "puppy love," "he just wants to get laid," and "he's up to something, if he hurts you, Malfoy is a dead man."

Hmm, three guesses to who the last quote is from. Thanks Ron, you're just _so _supportive.

Tonight is actually the first time I've seen Draco in about eleven weeks. Only the fact that I'm standing up on a stage is stopping me from running down the stairs to crush him with my embrace.

"…And to the class of 2000, who I have shared so many experiences with, laughter, sorrow and joy, straight from my heart; I wish you all success with your future lives. Whether it be dreams to become the Minister of Magic, healers, magical engineers or perhaps parents. Thank you very much for being a part of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, graduating class of 2000!"

This massive applause could be heard and all of the graduating students, yes, including the Slytherins and I find myself throwing my witches' hat up in the air with everyone else, cheering madly and waving my diploma around whilst Dumbledore is sweeping his wise eyes across his students and guests.

Well… I've lost my hat, but it doesn't matter. There's this riot of noise since the ceremony is over and I'm hugging Colin with all my might and I see Luna running up now and now we're all hugging each other breathless. We've survived. The world had better watch out, because we're coming.

I'm walking towards my family who are all clustered together as one big bright, flaming mob and are smiling just as wide as I am. I see Draco headed towards me determinedly through the crowds and I'm just engulfed in his tight hug before my brothers can even open their mouths to threaten him for putting his "paws" on me.

Oh god, I just feel so good now, in his arms. How did I spend this much time away from him and not go mad? Oh yes, that's right, studying for NEWTs were making me crazy instead. It doesn't matter, I have Draco right here, right now and his neck smells nice.

"You're still my little witch," he whispers and I can feel his smirk on my ear. Before I can retaliate, mum has elbowed her way through dad and Bill who are clamouring to see me and has shoved Draco out of the way to hug me. This hug is a very different one, since Molly Weasley is plump, matronly, blubbering and soaking my clean cut robes with her happy tears.

"Oh my darling little Ginny! All grown up! I can't believe how fast my little girl has grown up! You looked so beautiful up there with your neat robes and your confidence. Oh and when you received your diploma! Top five of your graduating class! My darling girl is so smart too, you have always been so intelligent… oh, oh…" but mum never finished her sentence. She broke out in tears again.

"Dad!" I mouth to my father who's waiting patiently for mum to finish.

"Now now Molly. Let Ginny breathe. Ginny dear, I'm so proud of my big girl." Dad just grins that comfortable grin that I've known all my life and his one sentence means just as much as what mum's blathering ever meant. Mum lets him by and he gives me a warm, short hug and then I find Bill in front of me.

All my brothers are surprised to see their little Ginny all grown up. Percy is almost busting himself with pleasure with my grades. Instead of finding myself pissed off with him with his pompousness, I'm just happy. Must be the euphoria. It does strange things to you. So I give him an extra kiss on the cheek and he blushes. Silly Percy.

Twins of course, make recommendations about my future career and Weasley Wizarding Wheezes and mum chokes. Ron gives me a tight hug and an amazed expression.

"Cor, Gin. You're just about as smart as 'Mione!"

"Thanks Ron. You can really dish out those compliments," I reply flatly.

So after that was all said and done, there was an awkward silence which surrounded Draco and I. I really feel sorry my boyfriend. Half my family were eying him like he was a dangerous snake, the other half were getting ready to hex off his hand for holding mine.

"So uh, mum. What's for dinner?" I say this to break this awful silence that has surrounded our large group, despite the many other families around us exclaiming happily. I can feel Draco stiffen next to me and his hand squeeze mine in warning. He knows how my family feels about him; murderous.

"Your favourite, Ginny. Roast lamb and Italian potatoes." My mouth immediately waters and I just want to get the hell home because I'm starved and I had no school to return to.

So I ask the diabolical question that everybody knew was coming.

"Can Draco join us?"

There is a major intake of breath and I think I can hear Charlie, Fred, George and Ron actually growl.

Mum and dad are scrutinizing Draco from head to toe, and in true Draco style, he doesn't back down.

Ron blabbed to them about Draco and I when he saw us during a secret rendezvous up in the air at the quidditch pitch kissing quite wildly actually… I was truly worried for my brother's life because for the first time, ever, he actually turned purple and I could see every vein in his neck and throat swell.

The howler that I had to place an incendio spell on the following morning was quite a clear answer to whether mum and dad approved or not. Surprising myself, I couldn't give a damn. Mum never liked Ron's reports about my various boyfriends but she never did anything about it. I never saw why she should now. After that, we went public. Only Luna, Colin and Blaise new about our relationship before everyone else. Needless to say though, they are my best friends. Well… Blaise is Draco's best friend. Kinky bastard.

"…please… dad? Mum?"

They caved.

"Mum?" one of my brothers yell incredulously.

"Dad!"

"Have you lost your ruddy mind? That's Malfoy you just invited over for dinner! His father was apprehended for being caught in the act of serving Voldemort!"

"I swear if you lay one hand against my family…"

I ignored my brothers. My parents' acceptance was the first step of me getting what I want.

Molly ignored her sons and said warmly to Draco, "let me invite you to The Burrow."

--+--

"Last time I came to 'The Burrow' was a disaster," Draco muttered in my ear as we apparated on the front lawn of our house.

"Don't talk about my house in inverted commas you arrogant bastard," I retorted hotly. He just smirks and it makes my blood boil. Not in the bad way, but in the way that leads to really hot sex.

Yeaaah, Arthur and Molly don't quite know about that yet.

Heheh, I am definitely blushing hotly and Draco knows exactly what is going through my mind. He was my first, and even just after a year, I'm really getting the feeling that he'll be my only. How the hell he has made me fall in love with him… I don't know.

Last time, during the holidays, Draco tried coming over to my house to take me out on a date. I hoped that I would be able to get out of the door to go with him before my family found out but no, it wasn't to be. I got locked in the house whilst Draco nearly splinched himself getting to St Mungos for counter curses to the various hexes and curses he got from my brothers. Needless to say I was so pissed with my brothers I nearly struck out at them. So, close, to unadulterated violence.

We cross the threshold and I feel a sense of calm and homecoming radiate over me as I always do when I enter The Burrow. I ignore the glares and focus on Draco. His blue-grey eyes are sweeping across every corner of our house and I can tell he's making a mental note of our belongings against his old Manor.

Malfoy Manor; yep, that great whopping big mansion which got destroyed by the Ministry because it had dark arts artifacts.

The Manor that Draco was supposed to inherit. His fortune that he was supposed to inherit.

I hear the Ministry is well off these days…

"I know what you're thinking…"

Draco's voice is neutral when he replies. "Well, I'm not really surprised." I can feel my cheeks burn and his words hurt more than they really should. Draco wasn't earning _that _much himself so he couldn't afford anything too expensive… he was just used to sophistication and elegance whilst everything in our house was half broken.

"It doesn't matter," he says in his blunt drawling voice and he smirks that fucking smirk which really makes everything else seem insignificant.

Dinner passes awkwardly.

It's like our family is too scared to talk in front of their own bloody daughter's boyfriend because he'd go and blab to Voldemort that the banister of our staircase is a bit wobbly and that Charlie has found a nice girl in Romania. Or perhaps it's the fact that Percy has had _another _pay rise will be used against us.

One nice redeeming quality though was the amount of food Draco ate. Mum was ridiculously pleased at the fact that Draco was eating like a horse. I guess living alone as a bachelor for a year makes you hungrier than usual.

Everyone else though, even dad, were quite on edge. After a few more minutes of fucking silence I lose it.

"Oh for gods sake! Draco is not a Death Eater! He does not owe his allegiance to Voldemort! He is _not _evil, is does _not _have another agenda, he is _not _just using me and has it _ever _occurred to you that Draco Malfoy is just another human being who has feelings for _me? _Or have I become that invisible that only occasions where I've graduated or I bring home an 'enemy' are the only moments where I'm noticed?"

"Ginny…" Bill murmurs in a scandalized tone.

"Save it," I snap. The infuriating thing is I know Draco's not the only problem here. It eats at me at times, how forgotten I actually am. That it takes a freaking catalyst such as dating Draco or getting really high marks gets me attention. Sometimes they spend more bloody attention on Potter.

I'm mostly angry at myself because I know I just want attention but my family is just too big.

I'm angry because I've lost that rare, complete happy elation I had earlier tonight.

But I'm aware of how Draco replaces it.

I'm out the kitchen in a huff and I can hear Draco's distinct footsteps follow me into the backyard.

"Lumos," he says and immediately we're both bathed in the soft yellow glow from his wand. "Nice speech Gin. I really couldn't have said it better myself. Though… I'm more than just _another _human being. I'm a _Malfoy. _However, you _are _making me miss the best roast lamb I've had since… actually, that's the best roast lamb I've ever had."

I nearly choke on tears and laughter. I know it was the stress of studying so hard and not having Draco ease some of the tension that's causing me to snap. I opt for shaking quietly. Draco just knows and hugs me so tightly that it seems like he's trying to merge his soul with mine.

"I've missed you. A lot," I mumble into his warm shoulder and he nods.

"You've got PMS too. I swear ever since I graduated you've gone on twenty times as many rants. I can hear your voice in my head when I read your letters, and yes, I want to throw darts at McGonagall because she's assigning you too much as well." I can't help it. I giggle.

"I know you were a loner at the Halloween ball because you were so depressed I wasn't there to escort your loveliness."

His voice was getting husky and I thought I knew what was on his mind but he surprised me by saying what hit home the hardest. "I know you think I'm the only one who cares about you. It's not true. You're being selfish and you know it."

Oh Merlin… I know Draco's hurt me on purpose but he's a strong believer in you have to be cruel to be kind and it works; every, single time.

"You're a bastard, y'know." _Oh god. I'm mumbling pathetically. _

"Ginny. I've always been a bastard. The only thing that's changed now is that I'm your bastard." And he does it, just like that. Turns me from angry, raging goddess. _He actually calls me a goddess! _To sad, pathetic, selfish little girl, to horny, hormonal teenager who hasn't seen her boyfriend in over a term.

He pulls me flush against his body and starts kissing me desperately and I have this urge to jump on him so I do.

Only to have the lights suddenly shine on due to my parents looking for me.

"…GINNY!!!"

▪Ж▪

This Sunday is a good day. It's days like these that remind me the of the pre-cancer heydays. Where my family's main worry was weather Draco was treating me well. Not wondering if they should make wedding preparations first or funeral ones.

Rest assured, he makes me _happy. _The kind of happy that you enjoy every moment and then _still _enjoy when you just sit back and think about. That addictive, fuzzy and warm type of happy.

Today I felt like a real excited woman about who was about to be wed to that "perfect guy." Who has as many faults as winning qualities and you just can't help but fall tit over toe for.

Draco's fallen asleep again, as he usually does after eating a lot. It's adorable! When he read this, he's going to flip. Apparently, and he tells me this many times, "Malfoys are _not _adorable."

We just had a typical bride and groom-to-be argument about what colour the wedding theme was going to be. We're both stubborn so in the end, it was sapphire blue that won out. We couldn't decide between red or green. Of course we both agreed red _and_ green was definitely out. No Christmas theme for us. Not for our summer wedding.

Looking down at Draco, I see he's wearing this grey coloured shirt which he likes but I think is disgusting. I think I'll just slide my hand under the shirt and feel his rock hard abs before ripping the buttons off…

Oh god! I'm back at our flat and Draco's having a sulk in the shower because I ruined his shirt. The funniest part was when Ron walked out into the yard, rubbing his neck then screaming like a little girl whilst I was tearing the clothing off my fiancé.

I think I'll join Draco in that shower and make him feel… _better. _

I can't, I won't let this cancer win, I've got too many heady happy moments like these to look forward to.

▪Ж▪

If you're wondering about what Ginny's wedding dress actually looks like, go to this site and look at the "Ginny's Wedding Dress" file on my msn space.

http://adrenalinichewy.spaces. live . com /

just make sure that you back space the spaces between ". live . com /" otherwise it won't load properly in your browser!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

▪Ж▪

_May 11th, 2006_

Argk, fucking hell. It's Monday. Six thirty in the fucking morning. I'm going to kill my alarm clock, it nearly woke Ginny up and she really needs her rest.

Not because of her cancer…

Oh no.

Oh god, my dick. We spent the rest of the _fucking _day screwing! I really can't believe it. It's every man's dream; his girl horny as hell and as much free time as he wants. It was _worth _Ginny destroying my beloved shirt…

We fucked in the shower, in the bathtub, on the floor. On the kitchen floor, on the hallway mat, on the kitchen table, in the laundry sink… I'm fairly sure I have the bruises to prove that. Oh, we shared a bottle of vodka towards the end so our really awesome sex turned into really awesome drunken sex and I don't remember too much about that… I think Ginny suggested that we use a levitation spell and do it in zero 'g'.

Then she giggled that destructive giggle of hers and I think I came on the spot. That was painful to the ego. Oh Merlin… when she just dragged her finger through it off the floor and wiped it over her tits and further south… oh _fuuuuuck. _

Speaking of hurt… I don't think I could drag my arse to work today anyway. Oh Merlin, speaking of sore arses, Ginny sure wanted to teach me a _lesson_ because _apparently _I was too rough. Oh god, I think I'm getting another boner… is this physically possible?

Ah done, just flooed a message to Barry at the ministry. I'm fairly sure everyone in parliament can deal without their member of opposition for a day.

I'm also limping.

Oh god, what was Ginny _on _yesterday?

Is she licking my ear…?

"I'd hate to break that alarm clock of yours for waking me up. However you're directly related to that infernal thing and… I'd just love to break you in… again" she drawls.

_I fucking love life! _

▪Ж▪

_This is just a memory…_

"Ginny."

I'm fucking out of my element here. What is _wrong _with my girlfriend? "You look great. I'm not lying, and I'm not just saying it."

Her face puckers up as she sucks in her stomach in front of the mirror. "It looks gross."

"Ginny. So what? Your stomach sticks out. It's only a little bit, it doesn't look like you're carrying a child for fuck's sake. Nobody cares. The truth is everyone will be thinking 'thank god that hot chick's stomach sticks out just like mine.' If you don't believe that's true, I'll still want to rip that sexy dress off your body and fuck you silly before the night is even through so stop caring about what _other _people think. Care about what I think."

I'm slouching on my chair and not even looking at Ginny. I know that if I do, I won't be able to keep my eyes off her and I won't make it to Blaise's bucks night.

"You little bastard," she replies. You sashays right up to me, snaps my face up by tugging on my hair and lowers her face towards mine and all I see before her lips crash on my own are her tits that are breathtakingly close… and then it's all raw pleasure from then.

She breaks away for breath and my brain starts functioning again.

"Why thank you for that," I draw out my words and my eyes are settling on Ginny's fine backside as she's walking away from me.

"Only because you're the only bastard who can delude me into thinking I look fuckable in this dress," she replies flippantly, looking over her shoulder and smirking at me. Sometimes I think I have Ginny all figured out. Sometimes I'm just surprised. I mean, look at her. Just, fucking look at her. She's wearing this purple strappy, deep-v slinky _sexy _thing which she would upstage Luna with and she thinks she looks _fat. _

Oh god, I want to shake some sense into this gorgeous girl who's trying different styles in front of the mirror with her hair brush between her teeth but she'd probably sock me in the face.

Just like she did with Thomas. Oh Merlin. What a classic!

Now I'm just watching Ginny like a hawk and she knows it. Then suddenly with one quick movement, the zipper of the bridesmaid dress is down and the whole thing just glides off her body revealing her to be naked.

_Naked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Not as if I've never seen Ginny naked before. I've actually seen Ginny naked lots of times, but her body never fails to excite me and take my breath away. I took her virginity on our eighth month of dating. If I was still insecure about how serious we were back then, then her permission for me to take her was more than enough evidence she was ready to commit for a while longer. A long while longer I hoped back then.

I don't need to hope anymore.

I make a move to get up because it feels like this room has gotten hotter by fucking ten degrees and I need to be in her _now _because she's presenting herself like meat on a plate to a starving dog.

_Aww fuck. _She's giving me that look. That look where she's teasing me. She knows I'm horny as hell, but she won't let me touch her else there'll be trouble. It's that look where she's got an evil glint in her eye which frightens me but thrills me twentyfold the fear. She's dressing in partying clothes now with excruciating slowness.

First it's her knickers that she slides up her long pale legs. Well… that entrance is blocked off now. I think I'm panting… yes. Ginny does that to me.

Now it's that simple cotton bra which looks like the sexiest thing in the world at the moment. Oh no, she's got her hands on her tits and is adjusting it! Her freaking eyes, they're just testing me. Damn it!

Next is a pair of tight black pants that fit her curves just right. There's the flash of knowingness in her eyes. Oh no oh no oh no! Not a top! Aw fuck! She's put on a stylish but modest white top. She's clipped her hair back neatly and has placed some fancy jewelry around her neck and ears. Finally she's complete with a strappy pair of heels. Now she's just smirking at me. Uh-oh… she's walking … no wait, _stalking _across to me is a better word with that ever evil glint in her eyes.

What's she going to do? Oh shit, oh shit. Oh… shit.

She simply kisses my cheek, lingering by my ear and says, "you had better get a move on Draco. It's already six thirty and didn't you say you were going to have a drink with Blaise before you and some idiot mates go to a pub and damage your livers?"

I smile and relax. Is this the worst she can do? She also smells nice. Besides, she's also damaging her liver by going to the hens night in honour of Luna.

"Fuck," I gasp and I'm on the floor. That sneaky girlfriend of mine shoved me off my chair!

Right. I really wish I saw that coming.

I'll get her later…

It's a short walk from my flat to Blaise's and I can hear music blasting from his general vicinity.

"Drake, ye hobo," Blaise calls from the depths of his fridge. He's dressed in nothing but a towel and is dripping water all over his messy belongings. He tosses me a bottle and I catch it, the lid is off and I'm downing sweet booze.

I really wish Blaise would open his eyes sometime. Hobo is _the _definition for Blaise. Maybe I should really add "stylish" in front of it though. He still has girls tripping over themselves for him however, and I don't know _how _the fuck he's managed this, he's on a one-way road for Luna Lovegood!

I once cornered her and interrogated her about what potion she used on my best friend but she just airily asked what I used on her best friend and suggested that we should compare the effectiveness of each concoction. That girl is wittier than first appearances.

She had a point.

Blaise's suit for his wedding the next day was actually crumpled heap on the couch mixed in with a couple of feathers where his owl Athena appeared to be sleeping.

"Blaise you idiot. Your owl is nesting in your wedding clothes."

"Really? Athena!" he yells. Suddenly this great tawny owl rises from the depths of fabric and flies onto Blaise's shoulder, hooting in a disgruntled manner. He grabs his wand and waves it around dangerously whilst downing a bottle and the robes straighten out.

"Ready to commit yourself to the loon?" I drawl, lounging over Blaise's furniture.

"If she wanted to get married on the moon, I'd take her," he replies in his smooth voice.

I take a good look at him. He's still got that cocoa dark skin and eyes. Complete with a tall build and carefully arranged dreadlocks. His eyes bore straight into mine, holding a lifetime of friendship. It was always those eyes who accompanied me when we were little. Those eyes that widened with mine when we were about to get in trouble for playing too long and not acting like pure-blood wizards. Those were the eyes that danced when we checked out girls and they were the eyes that darkened with understanding when we told each other our darkest secrets.

"I'm not going anywhere Draco. I'm just going to get pissed tonight, drink that shit-tasting hang over potion and marry the unorthodox love of my life tomorrow," says Blaise in his merry mocking tone. Despite how much of a bastard he sounds, he is sincere with his words.

Also, after twenty one years of knowing each other, we tend to just _know _what's going through each other's mind.

Blaise is pottering around his untidy apartment pulling on clothes whilst also trying to consume alcohol. "Saw Ginny training earlier today."

"Uncanny," I say lazily. "I saw Luna's name in the Quibbler."

Mmm, yeah. It's well known that Luna co-edits that psychotic magazine with her father.

"She's going to be a good Auror. The way she was going with her dueling, she could have taken down many of our fathers'… friends." Blaise's tone is laced with meaning and I know exactly what he's talking about.

"Well, luckily they're all dead, in the funny farm or rotting in Azkaban. If it weren't for that, the Weasel clan would never had let her join the squad."

"Could have done something useful with yourself."

"Being a politician is useful."

"Malfoy. You sit on your arse all day, spend taxpayers money and glare at your opposition. I really don't call that useful."

"Uh-huh. I don't see how stunning females speechless in too-tight white little knickers ever did the Wizarding community any good."

"Being a male model is a _perfectly _respectable occupation!" retorts Blaise in a mock hurt voice. "Besides. I'm getting married tomorrow." The strangest, most delirious smile graces my friend's face and I now know, after two years or so of trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him, is love.

"Well. You're the one committing bachelor suicide at age twenty one," I mutter. I can hear voices outside of Blaise's door and I know that Stanley, Lee, Derek and Rowan were approaching. Sounding half-drunk already.

"Draco. You can't play the married-man-to-be's best mate this time. Sorry, you've already fallen in love like me so I know you want to marry Weaslette. I'm happy for you mate. Leave the uneducated comments to the guys coming now" says Blaise simply and he gets up to let our raucous friends in.

Like I said, Blaise knows me too well.

The night passes in one of those surprisingly fun blurs. Our rowdy mates drink more beer, startle Athena and then we all traipse outside into the newly chilly October air and head straight for the club.

Dark room, bright spot lights, smoky air and drunk people. Luna explicitly gave Blaise permission only for lap dances and some mild groping for tonight else she'd torture him in imaginative and cruel ways.

_What the hell _kind of potion did she use on him? She's lucky that she's Ginny's best friend and is making Blaise happy.

The night wears on… and Blaise is getting considerably drunker and stupider. _Sigh. _I just don't feel like getting wasted anymore. I can count at least fifteen chicks checking me out but I just don't _care. _I want Ginny.

Yeah whatever, I know I sound like a pansy, I know there's three dozen girls here who are just about naked and dancing provocatively enough so that nearly every man in this room is getting hard, and I know I'm happy for my best friend but I just want to go back to my flat with Ginny in it and just cuddle.

I'm such a pansy.

At that moment, Blaise sashays past with two girls with incredibly large chests pressed up against him. He's smiling like an idiot and I can't help but grin back. It's one of those massive platonic happy spells hits us both and we're just _happy. _

"Draco, go home," he slurs into my ear. "I'll be fine without you. You better be beside me tomorrow though or else you're a dead man."

One last smirk at him and one last drunken leer from him and I'm gone.

Apparating home, I'm surprised that Ginny's already home. Ginny… living with me. It's a good concept. Of course her parents wanted to her to live with them forever and ever but she just upped and left The Burrow earlier this year. I'm proud of my youngest Weasel, though I wish she left home to be with me earlier.

_Privacy! _It's a blessing.

"Hey Weasel. Why are you home so early?" I'm really curious actually. Her make up is still pretty intact, indicating that she hadn't spent a lot of time partying.

Her whole body is draped on the couch as she blinks at me.

"I must have come down with something… I don't know. I feel really sick. Luna understood so I left her with the rest of the girls and promised to be there for her tomorrow. I just got home but suddenly I'm really aching. Tired too…" she trailed off.

This is, weird. Eh, she just must be feeling sick. Too much Auror training. Silly girl.

"I'll get the pepper-up," I mutter. Measuring the dosage and quickly reorganizing our medicine cabinet, I let my mind wander about the Zabini/Lovegood union. It was unexpected. Really unexpected. However, after Voldemort's defeat, people are just starting to break out of their fears and trying new relationships and ideas.

Merlin knows, Ministry parliament has been having heyday everyday trying to sort out new laws and legislation and often I'm in the thick of it.

Malfoy/Weasley union. It even _sounds_ odd. But I love that girl who's slumping on my couch. Our couch. I know I want to marry her. I've known that since I was nineteen. It was as if life clicked in place. Clicked, as in, I had no idea where life would take me, but as long as Ginny was there it'd be okay.

Walking back into the lounge room, Ginny's completely tensed up, her face screwed in pain.

"Ginny, what's the matter?" She let's out a gasp and just stares at me dazedly.

"Probably too much training," she answers softly. "Potion me baby." I smile. That sounds more like her. Ginny's strong, it's most probably just passing pain.

She gulps down the foul tasting potion and I sit with her until the steam stops coming out of her ears.

But yeah… Ginny is very strong, you'd be surprised since she seems so fragile. We were playing quidditch at The Burrow with her brothers and we were opposing chasers. We were both fighting in mid air for the quaffle when some how, by some freak accident, Ginny lost her grip and fell from her broom which was five metres off the ground.

I swear, I had never felt more afraid or guilty in my life. I thought she was _dead _because I couldn't grab her robes as she descended and she was just laying there on the ground. Her brothers were yelling and cursing when suddenly, Ginny just got up, shook herself off, cracked her neck with her hands and whistled for her broom to come down.

Ginny said to me later that I probably would have a cry in a taunting voice as she rubbed her only bruise which was on her hip. Although I have a high tolerance for pain, I probably would have shat myself in fear.

The steaming has stopped and she's looking much better. Her eyes are closed and her breathing is easier. Her arms reach up around my neck and she whispers, "carry me Draco. I like being carried."

"Whatever my lady desires," I reply sarcastically but she smiles and I oblige. She's quite limp in my arms but I feel like I could just walk around the world, holding her forever. In the soft light of the candles that ignite automatically as I walk by cast a glow over her face and it strikes me how vulnerable she is. It really does remind me of the first night she spent in my room. So young, so naïve, so trusting.

So beautiful.

She's on the bed and she's already half asleep. Off goes the shoes and… there goes the pants. "Lift your arms Ginny," I whisper and she slowly complies. I take off her shirt with some difficulty due to her back flat on the bed and I mess up her hair in the process. The hairclip is placed on the dressing table and the bra is eased off. Leftover make up is hellish to Ginny's complexion so I remove it with magic and then she's just there. On _our _bed, sleeping soundly with only her knickers on.

Like I said; vulnerable.

I tuck her into the warmth of the sheets and undress before I join her and pull her close.

My best friend's wedding tomorrow. I really wouldn't miss this for anything. I'm happy for that man-whore.

Is it because I'm not completely sober, or does Ginny's heart beat seem softer tonight?

"Ginny, wake up, it's seven," I mutter, sweeping my wand in an arch motion and opening up all curtains in the flat. All I hear in response is a muffled groan in the sheets beside me.

"Get up Ginny. You're going regret it if you don't." Only more groaning in response.

I grin. This is the fun way to wake up your girlfriend. My hands slide under the sheets to grip her waists and they slide up to her breasts and rest there. Ginny's entire body is tensed up, waiting for my next move. Without warning, my hands shoot right up to her underarms and she shrieks with laughter and falls off the bed, taking our doona with her and leaving me cold.

She lays on the ground for a little before she says softly but with a grin, "our best friends are getting married today. To each other. I'm so happy."

And as if I wasn't already happy. She just made me happier.

The wedding's at midday and "you have a multitude of beauty appointments you're sharing with Zabini-to-be which begin at seven thirty. Chop chop. Or you could just wear the sheets… it looks like wedding attire anyway."

"Oh my god Draco. You suck," says Ginny confidently before she throws on one of my extremely large shirts and apparates away to Luna's, not before giving me a saucy smirk and wink.

Well. She's back to her normal self. Damn damn damn. Wish she were here with me right now.

I spend the rest of the day cleaning up after Ginny who is a terrible roommate despite being the greatest girlfriend. I thought chicks were supposed to be neat… but I guess I was supposed to be a sadistic bastard. I'm still a bastard, but sans the sadistic.

Ginny's mess could give Blaise's a run for his money.

All the while, I'm thinking about the wedding ahead. I'm happy for Blaise. Before he hooked up with Luna, in the deep recesses of my mind, and I mean, really deep here, it irked me that Blaise was going through girls like the number of clothes he tried on. (Which were innumerable.)

But on the other hand, I had Ginny. He didn't. Ginny, is better than twenty sluts in a hotbath all put together.

I want to marry that silly girl.

If a 'playa' like Blaise can get hitched with a loon like Luna, I can most definitely marry Ginny. … _I've always wanted to. _What the hell. Why haven't I proposed already?

_-smirksmirksmirksmirksmirk- _Ginny is going to be so happy.

Blaise is so happy it's painful to look at. I'm surprised he's not worried about the laugh lines he'll gain from smiling so much. I still envelope him in this massive bear hug because he's happy and I'm happy too.

Soooooo… when are they going to start the service? Damn being best man. The buffet table is too far away from the altar. And the groom is nervous. Very, very nervous. How can I tell? He's not sweating, he's not fidgeting, he doesn't even seem to be blinking. I suppose it's a trait for the offspring of dark wizards. We show no emotion when it rages the most and as protective as it is, it is a dead giveaway. Even after all these years, I can't kick the habit. Ginny _always _knows something is wrong when I complete statue up.

_Come on! _I'm mentally whining. From glancing at Blaise's eyes, I can tell he's thinking _oh shit, oh fuck, oh sweet Merlin I'm marrying Luna! _

Just as I was thinking about trying some of those meringues, the first chords of the wedding march struck and Blaise's breath hitched. I quickly straightened up and gripped my fingers tight around the little velvet box with the Luna's ring.

The moments stretched into eternity before long, white gloved arms reached around the corner of the backseats of the cathedral. Despite the season turning into autumn, today was a bright sunny day and the sunlight filtered through the stained glass, seeming to fall right on Lovegood.

She completed the ninety degree turn and was now walking down the isle in her full wedding gown. It looked very pretty. Fine, fine. Better than usual. From all the way down at the altar, I could see that it was strapless and was quite layered without looking too puffy. I could feel the groom's jaw drop beside me. Admittedly, Luna did look quite nice, with her dirty blonde hair actually brushed and waving naturally. It was visible that Luna was resisting running down the isle and kissing her soon-to-be husband silly.

It's a huge chapel and so Luna still had a good eight metres to go. I'm beginning to fall asleep but then my eyes fall upon Ginny and now it's my turn for my breath to hitch. Ginny was in simple attire compared to the bride's… but she… oh my god she is the best looking out of every woman in this room. I tear my eyes away from Ginny who is walking proudly behind Luna and holding Luna's ring to give to Blaise and look at Blaise himself. I expected him to be jaw dropping at Ginny but silly me. I have completely forgotten he's getting married to _Luna. _He only has eyes for her, and it hits me that I might be the only person who's really concentrating on the bridesmaid.

Hmm.

"Blaise Zabini?" asked the elderly minister.

"I do," answers Blaise surely and confidently, looking directly into Luna's eyes.

"Luna Lovegood?"

"I do," answers Luna just as surely but breathlessly, as she always seems to speak breathlessly…

The minister smiles. "You may kiss your bride."

Blaise smirks, Luna smiles and closes her eyes and they both lean in for one of those picture perfect kisses that make me want to shout in joy and vomit. Everybody's cheering and Colin, the _other _best friend who has no participation in make up or leg shaving is snapping up photos like wild. Of course he's the photographer. The two best friends of the bride are grinning like idiots and one of them, the one I happen to be madly in love with, smiles extra wide for me and I find myself smiling back in both happiness from her and from the union that just passed before my eyes.

My cheering joins in with the crowds' and I'm flying because life is sweet, and for this moment, life is fair.

▪Ж▪

Ahh, post-coital snuggles. Big, bad Draco Malfoy on the outside, the biggest after-sexual-activity softy inside. I believe I was just quoting my observant and lovely fiancé. The sky is deeply overcast today and there is some rain despite of the summer around the corner. We're just cocooned in our little bubble and all bullshit words pretenses are stripped away. I suppose that's one good thing about sex. You're just so thoroughly _fucked _in the end that there is nothing to hide. It's always at this moment we're both relaxed, all our guards down. Where Ginny's gentle rubbing of my stomach feels as good as her tongue further south and the silence is as comfortable and natural as her moaning, loudly.

"Having a good day," I murmur. It's more than a statement than a question because I know she is.

She simply nods and snuggles closer to my body, which affects me a lot. I still appreciate Ginny's complete trust in me.

"I love you," she whispers into my neck. She repeats the sentiment until sleep stills her lips and a kiss to her hair is my response.

▪Ж▪

I hope you're enjoying the fic so far. I really, really do like writing it. Please review, they're really nice.

If you're wondering about Ginny's bridesmaid dress, go to dessy dot com, (in the proper web page form of course!) then click on "bridesmaid dresses" on the top left corner of the screen. Then near the bottom of the screen, click "+ All dessy dresses" (can't miss it) and then on the third row, second last from the far left, there is a blue dress called "Stretch Charmeuse Bridesmaid Dress."

If you happen to be imagining Luna's dress, imagine no more. Hit in davidsbridal dot com (again in proper . com format) and then search in the numbers 5268 in the "search" box on the top right hand corner of the screen. That will lead you directly to Luna's dress.

Love much!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

▪Ж▪

_May 30th, 2006_

Reading back my last entry, it's painful. I really don't remember feeling that good, feeling that up for sex. Right now all I know is pain, a lot of pain.

About a week after putting Ron into that headlock, my health just plummeted. It was one of those "bad day" stages. The bad day stages that last for weeks. I've been vomiting because of the aggressive symptoms whilst vomiting some more when I think about the mutations eating me inside.

Draco looked as dead as me when I just couldn't get up one day.

I felt even worse when I tried to get up but just vomited all over his feet instead. I felt worse because he didn't even flinch at the disgusting mess I made. His face showed absolute love and I just hated myself for putting him through so much. He'd already had a crap childhood and bad parenting. Not so modest of me, but I know I was a good thing that happened in his life and fate just had to be cruel.

Right now I'm just waiting for Draco who's organizing the discharge papers and lazing back as comfortably as one can with many tubes going in and out of them. I'm finally being discharged, though the only joy that has is me getting the hell out of this hospital. Never, do I want to be in a hospital again. …Perhaps only for a birth of a baby though. Now that's a really nice thought.

Me… falling pregnant. That's an even nicer thought.

I'd originally been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma but I was diagnosed too late. Simply way too late. It had just spread and I'm riddled with it. Then I find out I was infertile… I've always wanted kids. Not seven, like my mother dearest, but two or three. Auror, wife and mother. It's been my three desires ever since I could think independently.

My Aurorship is _completely _out of the question. I'm on the fast track to becoming a wife but the mother part of it just isn't possible. I'll just move on.

It's amazing how priorities change. I don't care that I can't be an Auror anymore. It's a dead dream now, to be fulfilled by others. I've come to terms with the fact that I could never be a good mother. I've never doubted myself in anyway except whether I'd live to see their third birthdays.

Draco, Draco, Draco. It's all about bloody Malfoy, and how ecstatic I am at the prospect of turning into one. Ah, now some better thoughts are filtering through. It's amazing, even through all this time I can still get that _giddy _feeling you get when your biggest secret crush smiles or waves at you. Oh, the things I could write about _Draco Malfoy. _

Sometimes Draco Malfoy seems like the most distant person on the planet. That aloof, handsome man in his impeccable tailored suit, neat platinum blonde hair and that cold detachment from all things that seem trivial in his opinion. He was untouchable. That alluring yet intimidating man every girl-at-heart dreams of at night when they're lying alone with their thoughts.

Most of the time he's just Draco Malfoy; my whole life since my sixteenth Christmas. He's my soul mate. Forever. Ever since that fateful night when I was stuck outside of Hogwarts and I conjured up that mistletoe. It was actually from the moment he offered up his room when the fat lady wasn't in her portrait.

Of course I had a bit of a thing for Draco before the whole mistletoe thing. How did one guy, who massaged my hand, trigger such emotions? Then again… what supposed enemy/guy just comes up to you and massages your hand? Even if you did just break your ex-boyfriend's jaw…

As cliché as this sounds, words really can't describe how I feel about him. Every time I see him, think about him or even just hear his name, I just swell with this emotion which I know is complete happiness and it makes _everything _okay. It just _does. _Some count me unlucky, which in a way is true… but they haven't met their one and only. My only regret is not meeting Draco earlier. We could have been together just a touch more with our short time on earth.

That feeling of rightness, elation, companionship and love just cancels out everything else. Being an Auror just doesn't compare. Being a mother is just an effect of our love. Howeverr, while Draco and I are together, motherhood is just something that has faded itself out.

Diary, you'll forgive me for my rambling. I know, I really am ill. I'm just a lovesick sick fool. What am I going to do? Shouldn't my sheer love for life… well love for life with Draco keep me alive? Shouldn't Draco's never ending strength be mine as well, when my own strength is fading away into a forgotten memory?

I don't want to die.

But what can I do?

Treatments don't work, I've been diagnosed so late.

I'm so tired…

I can't keep up with Colin and Luna.

Is this payback time? If so, what have I done? I promise I won't be afraid if you speak back. Nothing fazes me much anymore. Answers would be nice. But I can hear Luna clattering down the hospital hallway in those extremely pointy high heeled stilettos of hers. I really wish she'd hurry up and get over this particular phase of hers. Blaise and I are so exasperated at the amount of times she's hurt her ankles.

Hahah, too funny. Blaise and Luna have just gone after an hour and a half of just chatting and catching up. I feel better. Much better. If I thought I couldn't be happier with Draco in the same room as me, I was wrong. I'm simply busting myself with pleasure at Blaise and Luna. They're just so good together! It's just so cute!

Oh the rock on Luna's skinny finger. Blinding, honestly.

Now Draco's moving around my little hospital room packing up my various belongings… and giving me plenty opportunities to check out his cute arse. Yep, my fiancé has a really cute butt. My icy cold Draco always flushes ever so slightly and his adorability increases whenever I tell him so, but he never, ever, blushes for anyone other girl when they check him out and I take vicious pleasure in that fact. …There is also the fact I feel like stomping over to the offending female and gouging her eyes out whenever they lay their eyes on my man but I quench that violent urge.

Oh, my wedding, my perfect wedding in the making. It'll be a hot day, but not overly hot since this is England. Colour theme? Like I said, sapphire blue. Draco raised his ridiculously perfect eyebrow at me when I suggested the colour, but hey, he's the one who asked to marry me, so it's _my _decision.

Our wedding is going to be held at the destroyed Malfoy Manor fields. Though the actual mansion has been demolished (Draco is still furious on the inside about that) the surrounding fields have been left untouched. Draco hired, no demanded, with his intimidating persona that he use the land for our wedding. Cut out all the bureaucratic red tape bullshit and the land does technically belong to him.

I can picture it now, ten o'clock, late in the morning and the sun has confidently hiked itself up from the horizon and is now shining its light onto the sloped, deep green fields of the late Manor. Rows upon rows of white chairs decked with sapphire coloured ribbons are situated on a gentle slope, a chair for every single person who has ever shown us any kindness, friendship, hope or love.

Dad's taken me by my arm and smiling one of the happiest smiles I've seen him smile in a long time. The green grassy aisle that leads towards the altar seems like it's not from this world because leads to the path leads to this intoxicatingly indescribable man who I'd die to share my life with…

And there he is, the absolute love of my life. I'm filled with so much joy my heart will probably burst because he is waiting at the end of the aisle with only eyes for me and…

Oh my god! Draco snuck up behind me and caught me penning my daydream! Do you know what he said? Do you _know _what he said?

He said he loved me and that I don't need to fantasize anymore because we were living the fantasy. He just held me as I burst into uncontrollable tears. He knows it's because I love him and he knows it's because of the stress that has been building up inside of me these past few weeks. He just knows and he is perfect. Draco, is perfect.

Too perfect.

How am I going to pay life back for a gift like Draco Malfoy? With my own.

▪Ж▪

_This is just a memory…_

"Oh my god, Ginny! It was so awesome!" yelled Luna in bliss as we lounged on deck chairs on my balcony outside my flat. Colin's just come in with three coffees in hand.

"So what was the little secluded island like?" Colin asked. "But please don't go into details."

Luna Zabini, in her original fashion, sighed airily and her eyes glazed over as she recounted her honeymoon. "It was wonderful. Absolutely hazy and heavenly. We spent so much time just lying in the sun, getting even tans… Not caring about a thing in the world."

Of course, I sigh happily with Luna, I am a true lunatic romantic at heart. Colin gags. What a loser.

"Have you decided on whether you want to move into your mother-in-law's mansion or are you just going to start from scrap?" asks Colin whilst getting his camera out to snap up the a picture of the setting sun.

"Scrap," replies Luna breathily. The last rays of the setting sun were glinting off her wedding ring and the three of us were actually quite dazzled by it until some loud laughter was emitted from the interior. "Aww, Blaise is laughing about something!" chirps Luna happily. She leans back, closes her eyes and smiles into the sun. Colin and I share a glance and a smile.

Life's good.

--+--

"Ah," I mutter as the blunted edge of the pole jabs my solar plexus. Shame and frustration fills me and I just feel myself getting even more pissed off.

"What's the matter Ginny?" asks my current weapons partner Alex. "You normally kick my arse in this."

"Ugh… just, crap going on," I mutter in reply.

"Boyfriend?"

"Yep."

"So tell me. I'm just that anonymous try hard auror-trainee who can't mind his own business," Alex prompts. I brush the sweat from my eyes and look at him properly. He's got a cheesy expression on his face and I can't help but laugh and feel some of the tension drain away.

"Well… I've got this high-powered boyfriend who is really stressed out at work. He tries not to, I can see it, but every now and then he does take it out on me. I just want to help him work through it, but he's in one of those unmelt-able moods and he just won't stop freezing me out. I just feel completely useless," I babble, unable to stop myself once I started.

Alex just nods in comprehension and walks towards the tap where we trainees have to get our water from. "Well, it sounds like you both know what you're doing, but he must be hurting shitloads if he doesn't want to talk to you about it yet. You know it's a time thing."

"Yeah…" I sigh. "I've also had the strangest feeling of late. My head just seems so foggy at times and I've just got this feeling of… unwell that I just can't seem to shake off. I'm tired, I'm irritable and I just feel sleeping all the time. Oh god, listen to me whine. I'm probably just coming down with something."

"Maybe," says Alex, his voiced laced with concern that anyone would present if you had just told them you were coming down with a bug.

Later, towards the evening, my feeling of crapness just increases. Similar to how I felt during Luna's hen night but worse. I quickly stagger to the changerooms and hurl up lunch into the toilet. It's gross and I only feel slightly better… god.

What if I'm pregnant? I am taking a contraceptive potion but nothing is completely guaranteed. Me, carrying Draco's child… that is a really nice thought. Buried underneath a layer of feminine independence and the desire to help in the post-war aid, is a very personal and whole desire to start a family.

That's just the feminine in me too.

I let the hot shower pound into the sore muscles of my body and try to relax. I'm trying to think of ways to make Draco open up. After years of observation, I've figured out that when he completely freezes up and becomes emotionless, something's wrong. Something is really wrong and he's not telling me.

Curiosity killed the cat… but it's also stressing out the girlfriend.

My muscles are really sore… it's weird. _Suck it up_ my mental companion hisses. So I do. An effect of growing up with mostly boys I suppose. _They _can handle the pain, why can't I? I've always used them as role models even though mum kept reminding me to be lady like.

I make my way out of the Auror establishment and amble along slowly to nowhere in particular. Well, I know I'm lying to myself. I'm really letting my feet head towards the Ministry parliament house. Maybe, just maybe… I'll be able to eavesdrop on what's going on at Draco's work. He'll either open up and appreciate me taking the first step, or clam up and resent my intrusion.

I've always been quite the impetuous girl.

One of the houses that were in a private session listed Draco's name so I quietly slipped in and sat right back at the viewing gallery, hoping that no one would notice. Nobody did. Down towards the centre stood Draco. He was standing alone at a table, facing a panel of strangers. It strikes me as a very symbolic image. As if Draco was alone in this room of oppression, holding them back with his sheer willpower. A "it's just me against them," cliché.

I have a sudden desire to join him, to hold his hand, to let him know I was there. It would however, blow my cover so I just kept silent and still.

"Draco Malfoy," a deep voice called from the centre of the panel of judges. He was an elderly man though he still stood with confidence. "This does reduce your credibility, I am certain you fully understand that."

"Yes," Draco answered expressionlessly. His face was frozen in that mask of emptiness that I knew so well but hadn't seen in so long.

"It is only due to your standing that you'll be keeping your position; as you are well aware. Your block to the proposition has been overruled," continued the old man.

"I'm aware," says Draco in that empty voice of his and suddenly, what ever it was, was adjourned. Everybody suddenly was a flurry of movement, packing briefcases and low murmurs shared between each other except for Draco.

My handsome, stoic Draco. Always so fucking stoic.

People are exiting from the opposite side of me and in early evening, their thoughts are inwards towards their next meal and a warm bath. They don't notice a young, redheaded woman who's trying to melt into the wall. Draco's left standing where he was speaking five minutes ago. I can almost physically see the burden he's carrying on those stiff shoulders.

What the _fuck _is going on?

I'm walking towards him slowly, not making any sound. Auror training baby. Auror, training.

"Ginny…" Draco's whispers when I'm about three metres away from him. I don't know how he knows I'm here but I won't ask.

"Ginny…" he whispers again, sounding almost strangled. I'm beginning to see signs of expression on his face and they're ones of sadness. My Draco is thawing out, the ice is cracking away. Instinctively, I take the next few steps over and just wrap my arms around him as tight as possible. I couldn't let him know I was here for him before since I wasn't supposed to be in here in the first place… this is just my way of making it up.

His hands automatically go to the small of my back and starts rubbing gently. I think it's a comfort to him to comfort me. In this moment, it feels like a lot of the walls that has been surrounding us lately have finally broken down, but not quite completely.

Draco hasn't told me about what has made him so stoic and emotionless. I just stay still and hold him tight as he does the same to me but my mind is in overdrive. It must have been serious to make him clam up this much. He always has at least a derisive sneer on his face after coming home from work. What is _wrong? _I need to help him…

Suddenly he's kissing my neck gently and his hands are moving southwards slowly. He hears my breath hitch and increases the fervour of his ministrations and while I'm really warming up here… I'm totally confused. Draco was getting to the point where he was about cry and now he's planning to get lucky?

The fact that anybody can walk in on us at their own whim is dancing threateningly on the edge of my consciousness.

"Draco," I break away. "What?..." His normally clear blue-grey eyes are darkened and clouded with emotion; positive or negative, I don't know yet.

"I… I… Ginny please, just for a few moments, please, I just need to forget," he replied, his voice raw. "Just… It's all I need."

Mindless sex to forget the pain.

Our lovemaking is usually full of meaning and nothing is forgotten. Ever. I'm struggling to understand… hopefully I will when he explains what is wrong. But I also know in my heart that'd I'd do anything for Draco."

"Let's get home," I reply breathily. Draco nods slowly and places a searing and yet numbing kiss on my lips before we exit.

--+--

Oh god, what day is it? We forgot to shut the blinds when we stumbled back into our flat and now that bloody sunlight is blinding me. Why am I so sore all over? It's not what happened last… all my muscles are sore in general and I just feel like shit.

Last night… Draco just went for it. I wasn't getting anything out of it, we both knew it was just for him. His face, so relaxed, so full of emotion. His mind had let go and his body had taken over. I normally don't really see his face when we have sex, so I take a good look at it. It's all I can do whilst he had my arms pinned above my head. It's mesmerizing and intimate that I get see Draco, to see _anyone _so vulnerable and uncontrolled. It's just one of those things that really strike you out of the blue…

It was short, but I knew for Draco it must have been mind blowing. He came hard and fast, and the way all of the tension drained out of him was tangible. I could see he was trying not to keep his arms locked so he wouldn't crush me so I flipped him over and let him recover. My long red hair had created a crimson curtain between my head and his and it really did seem like we were the only two people in the world; the only two people who mattered.

His eyes were darkened and he pulled tightly but gently to his still-heaving body and it was his way of thanking me. Words are useless. We slept from then right until now. Now seems quite late in the morning. I do have a lecture to attend, but _fuck _that.

My eyes have adjusted to the sunlight…and now it's better. It's acting like my environmental heater and I poise the full front of my naked body to it.

The sheets shuffle slightly and I look beside me… only to have my breath hitch. Those blue-grey eyes are gaze intensely into my face, a contrast to his neutral face. I can only gaze back timidly.

"Ginny…" Draco begins, his voice hoarse… from sleep or emotion, it's hard to tell. "They drafted up a bill, legislation that all of the Death Eater prisoners be executed. His voice has improved and now it's just calm resignation. There is the undercurrent of sadness tinged with it though.

"Narcissa," I whisper, shock evident in my voice. So this was what the proposition was about! "They can do that? So many lives… Your mother."

"A life for a life," said Draco bitterly. His eyes now dark with anger. "I agree, but can I fully when it's my own mother?"

"Exceptions?"

"Only if you've done anything very minor. I know, oh I know, that the Death Eaters _never _do anything half hearted."

"How many people has your mother…" I trailed off.

"Many," is the grim reply. "How ironic," he continues. "They'll be Avada Kedavra'd. How suitable, they all deserve it. How fucked up, because I have to choose. How selfish. I'm just the only person who wants her alive but doesn't want contact with her. How lost am I, Ginny? Tell me, what's the right thing to do?"

His voice cracks at the end and he clenches his eyes shut. I cup his face and rest my forehead on his, let his breathing mingle with mine. Life loves moral dilemmas… Life loves being a bitch. Life loves making you choose and life loves making you pay with your _life. _It's always there, waiting under a different disguises. I've learnt this quickly with the war.

Life gives you the right answer that is correct for yourself. It still makes you choose. Right for everyone else, or right for yourself? Who is more important?

"The right thing is for you to steal your mother away in the night, to keep her safe and to keep her alive. The right thing is for you to stand back and let the law do its work. The law is not perfect, but it is trying. Trying to bring justice and salvation to the wounded world is the right thing to do. Your needs are important, so important. Sacrifice, Draco. Willingly or not, you have no choice."

There, the truth… as best as I can define it.

Draco's eyelids can't contain them anymore, the tears leak out in thick rivulets. Liquid residue of human emotion.

His body shakes with emotion and I let him silently cry.

"It's not going to be alright Draco," I whisper into his ear. "Baby, it never is. Time will tell if it heals and it will. It will not make it alright though, and you know that. You should have told me earlier. Be afraid, but I will share the fear with you. I _love _you Draco."

I do, I really do love this man I have in my arms.

Some people look at Draco, stereotype is last name and judge. _He does not care about the lives that were lost, he doesn't understand, he cannot exercise compassion. He's a monstrous soul. _

They never know. They never will understand.

This man has always cared but no one has ever cared enough to find out.

▪Ж▪

Finally, I've gotten Draco out of the flat. I swear that man mollycoddles me more than Molly Weasley herself!

This place is so tidy it's freaky. Whenever I'm in hospital and they kick him out because I can have no visitors, he cleans this place like mad. I suppose it's his way of relieving stress. Once, early one when I first moved in, Draco tidied my underwear drawer! All my bras and undies were all neatly folded and placed in exact piles. He had even _colour coordinated _them! I was disgusted! I actually distinctly remember running around the flat with a frying pan, threatening to smash him on the head for being such a clean freak.

Now that, was really, really fun. I'd always just get so close and then he'd give me the slip so I would actually be bringing down the frying pan in mid air. Then I tripped over a box and received a concussion so the fun ended there. Dad nearly stole me straight back to the Burrow when he found out I'd needed hospital attention.

Draco had the most guilty and upset expression on his face… and in my drugged up, head bandaged, pain wracked state, the expression was hilarious and heart warming.

I swear on Merlin's bloody beard, I will get better so I can run around the place with a frying pan in hand.

I want those fun, exciting and carefree days back.

I want them back…

--+--

**Hey, Draco's occupation. Right. I made up the whole politician thing on the spot and I don't actually know that much about the law system. So if all of it sounds like bullshit, I know. Just fire up your suspension of disbelief and pretend I know what I'm talking about.**

**Oh and the cancer diagnosis? I also have _no _idea _whatsoever_ about cance. I _google _up different cancers to kind of get some idea… So your suspension of disbelief will be handy in that factor as well. **

**Appreciate you reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

▪Ж▪

_June 9th, 2006_

Merlin. There hasn't been a diary entry from me in a while. I suppose I've been really busy actually, with the wedding coming up and the pedantic and hysterical Molly Weasley fussing and stressing over every possible scenario. Ginny is a whale of patience with that woman. When I say whale, of course I mean, a very slim, slender underweight 45 kilogram whale.

Am I sure I really want to be shacked up with _Molly Weasley _as a mother-in-law?

Admittedly… it has been an exciting time. The weather's been warming up and so are some of the comments from our would-be objectors. They are many of my parents friends. Believe it or not, but there are a handful of powerful pureblooded families who didn't follow Voldemort but did befriend the Malfoy clan.

Yep. They used to hold a lot of sway over me… and even after all these years they think that they still have a say in my life.

They always seemed to accost me around parliament house.

"You are going to ruin that poor Weasley girl."

"She's after your money boy. If you don't be careful, you'll be as destitute as your near-death parents. Mark my words," one of them hissed. I distinctly remember him always being quite ominous about everything. He actually convinced me that brooms would run out of magic quite suddenly and I would plunge to my untimely death.

It took me half of my childhood years to get over that fear.

The most cutting of remarks however was from Elizabeth Hazelton. She's this young, beautiful blonde bitch who I was with quite often before I met Ginevra. She said this a few years back, after Ginny and I had graduated but before she was diagnosed.

I remember chastely kissing Ginny on the cheek and wishing for more as she walked out of the packed Ministry diner after lunch. That bitch, Elizabeth must have seen straight through my faux cold detachment and say something underhanded out of jealousy.

"It's pathetic and it's puppy love. You honestly think you're in love? I give you one year. One year. One year and you'll be on your knees… ready to crawl for a brand new fuck. Oh it won't hurt you that she'll be spreading her pasty little knees to some other desperate bugger. I just know it," she hissed quietly into my ear as she stalked past.

I could feel my face rearrange in shock then I stopped it out of instinct, modeling it into something completely unfathomable and turned and looked into her plain blue eyes.

Ah. Elizabeth could see she had hit a spot. The Hazeltons were actually quite willing to have me as a son-in-law and Elizabeth and I had gotten really into severe underage sex whenever she had her school break from Beaux Batons. Then, as my character follows, I tired of her.

Merlin. She was bitchy, naggy, shallow and desperate. She was also irrevocably obsessed with me. She didn't love me completely, like Ginny, she clung to me like a beggar. Oh, and she was hurt and _pissed _when I just dropped her. Lucius, of course commended my aloof cruelty as he would have done the same. Mother just pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes.

"Elizabeth Hazelton," I addressed her coldly. "How delightful to see you. I see you haven't regained any style, poise or intelligence since we last met." Elizabeth had simply sniffed. To the casual passer by it would have been quite demoting, but I could tell I was affecting her big time and I was going to exploit that weakness to its full potential.

"Mark my words Malfoy," she said quietly, her eyes narrowing with anger and lust.

I lean in and nearly choke on her over perfumed neck. "My _dearest _Elizabeth. Why I've marked every groan, every hitch of breath and every jerk of your delicate hips back at our time," I whisper seductively. I can feel her body shifting and her disgustingly insatiable libido rising. Her breath quickens and it _reeks _of alcohol and pepper-up potion.

Her eyes are clouded and mine are still hard. I remember taking her bony hand and noticing a ring I had given her many years back. Slowly I lean down to kiss her hand and she's already putty in my hands. It was ridiculous, it was way too easy to charm this woman and she was so desperate for some action it was repulsive.

As soon as my lips touched her bony hand I wrenched the ring free and she gasped with surprise. I easily snapped the ring in half and then she was the one swimming in hurt.

"Ginevra and I are the complete opposite to _everything _we had _ever _represented. This ring was never solid white gold with pure diamonds. Can you say scrap metal and cubic zirconia? I could never _ever _spend a touch of my wealth or my heart on someone as petty, fake and desperate as you. You ought to watch out, _Elizabeth. _I give you empty promises, but never empty threats."

I placed the broken, tarnished ring in her hands and closed her fist over it. Giving one last derisive sneer at her shocked face and watery eyes, I swept away.

That night, over beans and toast… (Ginny is a terrible, _terrible_ cook and she lost her favourite cookbook) I told her about Elizabeth, and she surprised me. Instead of getting completely self-righteous at Elizabeth slandering us like I thought Ginny would get, she scolded me instead for being so cruel and heartless to the lonely woman. She told me she thought I was better than being petty. She actually told me I was being as bad as her.

…ah… I remember her clearly shutting my mouth for me before my beans and toast fell out because she completely took me by surprise.

After I swallowed the …beans and toast… I told her truthfully how much she surprised me and made me love her. We had some great sex that night… and the beans made for some embarrassing moments and unforgettable laughter.

Ahh… happy memories. Hopefully, many more happy memories to come.

Right now… there is no Molly Weasley frantically flipping through the musty pages (the Wizarding equivalent to the yellow pages) and yelling at her husband to help make floos to various people, there is no Blaise who has decided to be quite immature with jabbing me in the ribs, though I started it. There're no testosterone filled brothers who I have to admit tower over me and slap me on the back in excitement and glare threateningly.

Ginny's gone hunting for the dress she saw in the bridal magazine and Luna and Colin are off to help her with it. Luna, of course, gushes whilst Colin, of course, sits in the corner of the waiting room wondering what the hell he was thinking when he agreed to go dress hunting with his two best friends who also happened to be females.

So that leaves me free to laze for once on the couch and assume that Ginny spilt some ink on our cushions.

Think I'll do this… brood and scheme. Brooding and scheming are things I excel at. It also happens that Ginny thinks I'm hot when my face is all scrunched in angry concentration. She told me she hid in the corner and wanked over me and that just left me speechless.

Did you know Ginny is the only person who can make me speechless? No? Well she is.

When I'm alone, my dark pessimistic side comes out. It's completely unavoidable. I fret and I gnaw and I rage against the thought of Ginny leaving me soon. Everyday this painful fact extends its arms and wraps them tight around me, blocking out every other thought and allowing me only to wallow.

Blessed, every morning Ginny wakes up and wraps her arms around me instead and she freezes out those thoughts and replace the bad thoughts with real love.

That's all I brood about these days. My quests for sexual domination and power back in Hogwarts are over.

I scheme to make her happy. I scheme to have every possible moment with her, whilst trying to present her to the world as who she is; an undeniably beautiful woman on the outside and as within, and to try and protect her from the world itself. I _try. _

▪Ж▪

_This is just a memory…_

"C'mon Ginny!" I holler down our short hallway.

_Wait for it…_

"Coooooming! I'm nearly ready, hold on!" Ah. There's the standard reply. Right. Nearly ready by Ginny means 'give me another twenty minutes.'

_Hmm… luckily I made a later dinner reservation. _

I'm going to do it. I'm going to propose to Ginny. I really can't believe that in five years I haven't proposed to her yet. What the hell, even Blaise got married before I did. I remember Blaise saying to me back in our sixth year that he'd _never _get married, that'd he'd have mistresses for the rest of his life.

If I tried to make him eat his words now… he wouldn't. He'd just be deliriously happy at the fact he's married to the loony.

Merlin.

I've fallen into a comfortable niche with Ginny. She's just so easy to be around and she's never demanded anything more than what we already have from me. We're so close that it already seems like we've been married for years. That excuse coupled with the fact that we're so young. I'm twenty one and she's twenty.

Hmm. For tradition's sake then. I'd dearly love to turn my Weasley into a Malfoy. A complete backstab to the Malfoy and Weasley bloodline. I always knew we wouldn't act like everybody thought we would.

I hear a loud crash and a curse from our bedroom and I roll my eyes. "What did you break?"

"That mini chandelier!" comes an exasperated reply. "Reparo," I hear faintly.

_Sigh. _

My fingers reach into the pockets of my neat dress robes and clasp around the small velvety box containing Ginny's engagement ring. I can feel my heartbeat quicken. Merlin, I hate to admit, but I'm nervous. I don't know why I'm nervous. I shouldn't even be nervous! Of course she'll say yes! Fuck, what if she says no?

_Draco stop! _

Damn you mind. For being human and doubting my girlfriend's desire to become my wife. She's going to say yes and that's _that. _

Sometimes you have to be forceful with that little voice in your head that tries to screw you around.

I lean my head against the pane of glass and let my gaze wander. The leaves have all fallen… the temperature is dropping quickly. I wander how Narcissa is going.

Oh Merlin, those long agonizing days when the heads of parliament were waiting for my answer. Of course I wanted them dead. I wanted every single worthless death eater off the face of this planet and back in whichever hell they belonged.

All of them except Narcissa Malfoy. Why? Because she _loved _me in her own twisted and cold way, but she was pure about it. Lucius never was.

However… if my mother gets let off… what about someone else's father? Despite his wrong doings he loved his child as well. What about poor mis-guided Daryl Frisson? He was manipulated… he is so young. He didn't know the horrors of being a death eater… he was too afraid to back out. Does he get shown an ounce of leniency?

No.

Neither should my mother.

So I know how hypocritical I sound… but despite all of this I see the cruel, painful and unfair logic that the ministry is dealing. You played any part? You go. There is absolutely no mercy applied except for the most granite-proofed situations. Even those trials are ruthless and scrutinized to an almost painful extent.

Oh god… my morals, my status, my mother. I just couldn't handle it. Ultimately, I couldn't knowingly kill my mother so I placed an against argument. I nearly lost my whole career but the alternative could _not _be faced.

That just twisted me up inside. I was the final person they overruled. I was lucky that Barry likes me… I got to keep my position despite the questions.

I just felt trapped… but first I couldn't let any of my feelings leak out… then I realised it was ridiculous keeping it in. I was just killing myself. I was hurting Ginny. I love her. She knows what to say, she knows what to do… she knows when to back off. She doesn't have to try, she just knows.

This is the strangest, strangest thing though. Narcissa escaped on the day of her execution. I don't know how she did it and I don't think I ever will. I was dealt so much scrutiny… but I had solid alibis and I was interrogated three times over with the veritaserum. I wasn't fond of having my mind defenseless and probed but it was satisfying to shove into their faces that I had nothing to do with my mother's escape.

The only good thing that came out of that was Ginny's anger at me being dosed with the truth serum at all. She was right outside the door, yelling at the officials to let me go because she _knew_, she swore on an Auror's oath that I had nothing to do with it. She just couldn't stand me being subjected to one of the things that I hated the most; lack of privacy.

Then Ginny got tackled to the ground by this burly dickheaded security guard. If it weren't for the veritaserum coursing through my system, I think I would have killed him. He tackled her that hard that Ginny's yells were cut off instantly.

I needn't have worried though. Ginny pulled one of her martial arts moves on him and had him flat on the ground, begging for mercy whilst she had him in a vice-like head lock. She probably would have killed him too if it weren't for the other guards who pulled her off him and stunned her.

That evening we both came home angry but slightly satisfied. I was still furious at have my mind invaded but satisfied that they didn't find what they would expect. Ginny was furious that the guard had tried to take her on and was satisfied he wasn't as almighty as he thought.

Now that Narcissa's disappeared into the night… I can finally breathe. Justice will still be dealt except for my mother's unrepentant soul, but at least I know I didn't kill her.

And now Ginny's ready and hugging me from behind. She doesn't say anything because she knows what I'm thinking and she knows there is nothing more to be said.

"I'm ready," she says instead, stating the obvious in her ever-endearing way.

I've always been one for the spontaneous so I whip around and dip her, crashing my lips onto hers and supporting her weight around her waist. I can feel her body shock and tense then relax and release. When I pull away, her pale cheeks are flushed and her eyes are unfocussed, _just _like I had planned.

"That was quick, Ginny. You normally take double the time."

Ginny blinks at me slowly, the clarity returning to her eyes. "Shut up and take me to dinner before I take you right now and go to sleep hungry." Ginny's breath hitches when my eyes flint hungrily at her but I take her hand and lead her out the door without another word.

--+--

"Oh my god Draco. That was the nicest dinner I've had in a long time," Ginny gushes, her eyes sparkling and her cheek slightly smeared with sauce.

I lean forward slightly over our… _intimate _table and look… well fine, _gaze_ into her brown eyes. Suddenly all the chatter and clinking of cutlery around us fade away and all I see is Ginny. We're having another one of what Ginny has deemed; moments. I must admit to myself… I get mesmerized by Ginny's face. There is no doubt that Ginny feels the same way about me too because her eyes are unfocussed again and she's probably lost in her world where she's fantasizing about me and my hot-ness.

This is the only person who can stare… _gaze… _at me when I stare back. She's the only person who won't flinch away but return the attention with ardour. We're the only two people we can lose each other in…

Ow! And we've unconsciously leant in too far and bumped noses. The spell is broken and Ginny is giggling with unlawful pleasure and happiness whilst I'm smirking with partiality to the pink tinge to her cheeks.

We're really both on the same page, and she closes her eyes, tilts her head and drains away the last of her wine… and I have the sudden urge to kiss and nip the fine curve of her bare neck.

Dessert has arrived and Ginny is eyeing it happily out of the corner of her eye whilst the waitress is setting aside new cutlery. I allow myself a small smile at how content and _right _I feel about being with Ginny, her face an arms length away, our hidden feet neatly tangled underneath the tablecloth.

"How was your day?" I ask after Ginny's attacked nearly ⅔ of her tropical ice cream mix. I let her lick her spoon whilst I eat my chocolate mousse at a more sedate rate.

"Well, despite me feeling absolutely great today, y'know how I've been feeling off for the past couple of weeks?" I set down my spoon and nod, giving her my full attention.

Ginny swirls her own spoon around the bowl before continuing. "Well Carly noticed that my training hasn't been going as well and she's picked up on it. She summoned me to her trainer's office and told me out of the blue that I've been given a healer's appointment at St Mungo's."

Ginny pauses and flicks her eyes up to me. They're still open and friendly.

"So I go. The healer's really nice. He does a full health check and numerous tests for my immune system, abnormities, fitness, cholesterol, the whole shebang and told me that my results would be through the mail in a week's time."

"I see," I say carefully. I doubted Ginny's head trainer would set her up for a full check up with a healer for sore muscles only… but I keep my thoughts to myself. Ginny must have read me like a book though I knew I had kept everything impassive.

"It's probably nothing. Even the healer said it's probably nothing but a virus because he's seen a few go around." Ginny throws me off balance with a sudden but gorgeous smile and I can feel myself melting like wax by a fire's side as she finishes the rest of her ice cream.

I'm very conscious of the ring in my pocket.

--+--

"A walk?" I suggest after I nodded at the restaurant reception to put our meal on my tab. Ginny skips ahead and smiles underneath the glow of the streetlight.

I take her hand and start walking through the more recreational side of Wizard London. I can't help but note that dotted here and there throughout the parkside were couples just like us.

I listen to Ginny's happy chatter and smile. Ginny talks a lot, but the sound of her voice doesn't grate on my nerves. It actually does the reverse. It sort of tinkles and soothes. I like her laugh. It's a very addictive sound. Oh Ginevra Weasley can turn my cold, calculated brain into mush. Again, I'm just hit with that feeling of everything just being right.

"Stop dreaming Draco, and listen to me," her voice is raised and is interjected through my thoughts. I stop walking and bore my eyes into hers. She upholds the intense attention with poise and holds her small freckled nose up in what she thinks is aloofness. I think it's adorable, except I never use the word adorable in my vocabulary.

"I got new shoes the other day!" Ginny sticks her foot out for me and lifts her skirt to reveal some black velvet high heeled Mary Janes.

"Mmm, this set of footwear suits you immensely. Also, I'm partial to the beauty of your rodent legs." I start running my hand down the length of her pale shins and Ginny is distracted, momentarily.

"Aww thanks.. hey wait, what?! Argh!" I've picked her up and put her in a fireman's lift and she's kicking her legs and pounding my back with her small fists.

"Stop it Ginny, if you really wanted to be let down, I would be on the ground clutching my balls by now," I say with a sigh, relishing the fact that her butt was pressed up against the side of my face.

After a pause, Ginny replies, "true that."

Before long, Ginny feels tired of being the damsel of distress so she flips off my shoulder easily and lands nimbly on her newly high-heeled feet.

The wind was letting up as we neared a jeweler's that we passed by every time we took our walk. Ginny's nose was pressed against the illuminated glass and she then groaned with disappointment.

"Draco… it's gone."

"What's gone?"

"You know, that ring I've always liked."

Ginny's pressed her whole body up against the glass to look forlornly at the spot where her favourite ring used to be. I take this opportunity to get down on my knee and open the little velvet box that's been resting in my pocket.

"Oh, this ring you mean?"

It's like slow motion… Ginny's deep red hair swirling around and her eyes searching in confusion. Finally she's turned around to face me completely and her eyes and mouth are opened in an expression of surprise and elation that I'll never forget.

It takes her a few moments to gather her scattered thoughts whilst I kneel motionless, my classic smirk in place. In the end, she only manages to breathily say, "Draco…?" Her eyes are wide and sparkling whilst her cheeks are tinged with a flattering shade of pink.

When I'm sure she's quite done, I continue. "Ginevra Weasley, words can't quite describe how I feel about you, but I have to try my best. I absolutely love you. And if it's possible, could you make me an even happier man by marrying me?"

Ginny's face is split into the biggest and happiest smile I've ever seen and she simply nods. I'm quite chuffed that she's speechless. She slowly raises her left hand and I slowly reach for it, grasping her hand gently and sliding the ring on slowly. We both tense when it's on fully and our eyes meet. I give her a small, crooked genuine smile and her eyes light up more than possible.

"Draco…" she says after a few moments, her voice strained. "This means, so, so much. I really want to become your wife though it won't really change anything between us except for my last name because I already love you and have locked you away in my heart." This is all said in one light breath.

I stand up and we just hug each other until we can't breathe but we share our heartbeats instead.

--+--

_Oh god… bright lights_. What the hell? Oh… it's just Ginny opening the blinds. I move to get up but her voice stops me.

"It's okay Draco," she says quietly. "Stay in bed a while longer." I let my eyes fall on her naked body that's framed by the rising sun from the window. _She really is a goddess._ It takes me a moment to realise she's gone into another room.

"Smells good," I say after taking a shower and walking into the kitchen. I'm dressed in only a towel that's dipping quite low and I can feel Ginny's appreciative stare. I decide to tease her by giving her an extremely chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Bastard," I hear her grumble under her breath. I look back and I see her gazing at her engagement ring. It's a platinum ring that's simple but stunning with a sawn off bit where a diamond is situated. It's a ring that suits Ginny perfectly. A ring that represents the beauty of the concept that _less is more. _

Sitting down opposite Ginny, I start digging into the bacon and eggs she's prepared whilst watching her go through the morning mail. Everything seems normal until there's an unnatural stillness in the kitchen, broken only by the clinking of my cutlery.

I look up and I'm shocked to see Ginny quaking. Her fingers are grasping the edges of a letter and her eyes are widened in horror.

"Ginny, what is it? What's wrong?" She doesn't look up for a few seconds, but when she does, I feel a bolt of fear transfer from her eyes to mine. She doesn't say anything. She slaps the letter on the table with trembling fingers and shoves the letter towards me.

I scan the top of the letter, it's the emblem for St Mungos. There's innumerable graphs, numbers and letters but the highlighted script towards the bottom of the letter immediately grabs my attention.

_Hodgkin's Lymphoma : Positive._

_Miss Weasley, with my deepest regrets, I must inform you that you have been tested positive to Hodkin's Lymphoma. To complete the diagnosis, I require you to make an appointment with me. _

_I must tell you now that this cancer has progressed rapidly and there is no cure._

_Again I'm sorry to inform you of your serious illness. _

_Regards,_

_Healer Carl Kennedy._

This can't be right.

But Ginny's beautiful face is a mask of horror. Incurable? Ginny dying of cancer? Not her. No way. It can't be happening…

What have we done to deserve this?

A solitary tear runs down Ginny's face as she clutches my hand in panic and fear.

"What's wrong with me Draco?"

▪Ж▪

Ah, I'm having a precious moment here. About fifteen minutes ago Ginny came racing back to the house in completely high spirits, talking fast and very excitedly about her dress which according to her, makes her look "so fuckin' hot!"

So I listen as she describes what colour she's going to paint her nails, how the bridesmaid dress was going to be styled, how Colin's brother Dennis was going to do her hair (Dennis is a qualified gay man. I mean uh, hairdresser). What shoes she was going to wear, what jewelry she was going to buy to match the dress and the nun chucks that she had purchased on a whim when they passed a martial arts store.

I listened intently when she described how she was going to use Ron as target practice with her new nun chucks.

Then, Ginny promptly falls asleep on my chest after she thoroughly describes how she was going to bruise her favourite brother. She gets that a lot, bursts of energy which make her seem hyperactive and then she takes a heavy crash where she just needs to rest, a lot.

And this brings us back to the precious moment. Ginny's wearing quite a low cut halter top which bare her breasts deliciously and her flawless bare back. Her long red hair is askew on the couch and on my shoulders and it's comforting to have her weight on me and soft steady breath tickling my neck. All reminders that she's still with me, all reminders that she's still alive.

Oh sweet Merlin! Ginny just kneed me in the balls in her sleep! She mumbled, "no, back off. It's my special edition world cup quaffle. I said _fuck off_!" It was at that moment in her sleep that her knee jerked right in between my legs.

Ginny is now currently sleeping in a bed whilst I'm recovering by curling into a tight ball far away from her violent dreams.

--+--

If you're wondering what the ring looks like, go to this site:

jewelrycentral . com / product . asp ? pID 4108&cID77

(of course, you have to backspace the spaces made so I could actually post the link on this site)


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

▪Ж▪

_June 22nd, 2006_

Ten days. Ten more earthly days until I become Mrs Draco Malfoy!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god, so excited, so nervous, so excited.

I can't believe it… but the whole wedding is ahead of schedule. Everything has been formalized and confirmed, all the RSVPs are in and all the dresses have been made. Mum has even started on the cooking already…

Oh the kitchen tea parties and the wedding gifts. I think we got about twenty seven sets of tea towels, three china sets, two complete bedsheet sets, and a embroidered quilt that has been in the Weasley line for generations.

All these old women who are in some way related to me and cherished the Weasley line, my mother included, looked at me so expectantly that I caved in when they desired me to add a small square to the patchwork.

And so, I've decided to quickly get the sewing over and done with. I'm nearly done… it's a deep emerald green background with a crimson red love heart which I've added colour intensity to with my wand. Now I'm currently working on putting some black thread in swirling patterns to achieve a viney effect. I'm actually quite proud at my work.

Draco raised his impeccable eyebrow at me when I told him and then he proceeded to kiss the index finger I had pricked about twenty times.

Call it the placebo effect, but it made me feel better. Damn Draco.

Ah Draco.

I love that man so much, it's unhealthy.

Draco's wedding present surprised me. Actually, the gift surpassed the emotion of surprise. It _shocked _me. He had gotten Malfoy Manor rebuilt in the highest manner of secrecy. The whole thing was shrouded in a fucking invisibility marquee.

Holy crap.

Two days ago Draco woke me up from a catnap with a evil and enigmatic smirk plastered all over his face.

_What the_ I had thought.

"I have something to show you Ginevra. It is something that you will like so you had better come with me," he whispered silkily… his voice was definitely constructed to hold me in suspense.

_Alright… _

I was actually kind of pissed off because of that damn embroidery but it was also the fact that I was tired that made me grumpy like a four-year old about to throw a tantrum. I was also having a pleasant dream of being a mermaid who wasn't riddled with cancer.

The sun was shining brilliantly and it was just after lunch and I could feel my strength returning. We apparated to the middle of the Malfoy grounds to be surrounded by rolling green fields.

"Draco… what is this about?" I wondered out aloud.

Draco simply smirked that god-damn smirk of his and waved his wand.

Merlin. It was unbelievable… The Malfoy Manor slowly melted off its invisibility spell and revealed itself in all its importance and grandeur. It was perfectly restored. Ever floor, every window and every pavement was where it was originally before the Ministry demolished it.

I mouthed silently, and my eyes were probably as wide as saucers.

My first impression was _tall… wide. _It really, really was a mansion.

Dark grey brick that rose up in a sheer ascent blockaded your view straight away whilst subtle but detailed carving bordered the edge of each corner. Countless windows were lined around the perimeter, some small and secretive, others wide and welcoming.

Massive trees lined one side of the house, creating shade, whilst open fields faced another, admitting the sunlight.

And in the sunlight, instead of the gloomy clouds I'd always pictured behind the Malfoy Manor, a warm, stately and welcoming picture was depicted, despite the fact the usually forbidding Manor and had been restored to complete originality.

We were standing at the start of the pathway to massive dark oak front doors and I felt completely out of my body, like I was dreaming, except Draco kept me down to earth with his supportive arm around my side.

"Draco…" I started. "How did you do this? Without _me _knowing! How did you _afford this?" _

Draco placed both his hands on my hips and pulled me against him firmly, a devastatingly evil smirk on his face and a happy sparkle in his expressive blue-grey eyes.

"Ginevra, first of all, I did this for us because no matter what my filthy father did in the past, I'm still a Malfoy and I'm proud of it. I have many a-loyal acquaintances who hold much power and can overrule those who think they're in power. I respect the law, but I bend it also."

For a moment I was instilled with shock, but then I reminded myself. Draco Malfoy is a bad boy. Always was, always will be. I fell in love with him because the bad way treated people was different. He was cold and arrogant, not evil and ruthless. That is how I allowed him to come near me at all.

God damn. Not to mention he was the most charming man I've ever met.

So Draco pulled strings to have the Manor he was legally entitled to inherit completely restored to the minute details.

"I did this without you knowing because I wanted it to be a surprise. Because I love the way your eyes light up and how your jaw simply drops. I love emotions inspired by me in you. I wanted a house, _my _house so we can call it _ours._"

Damn, him, for making my blood heat up to an unbearable extent and make my mind heady and my heart swell.

"I afforded this because my powerful acquaintances and I threatened to sue the robes off the Ministry's back if they didn't give back what was rightfully mine."

"Oh my god Draco. If you have anything else you can surprise me with, tell me now. Secret lovers? Immortality? Head lice?"

"Well…" said Draco in complete innocence and a look of shame on his face. He lifted his hand and pulled it through his blonde hair. My heart beat faster. What was it… _the head lice?! _Oh Merlin no!!!

He leant down and brushed the sensitive outer rim of my ear with his soft lips. "I love you Ginny Weasley. But it's not much of a secret."

I could feel my smile spread across my face like how the water rushes up against the shore; with intensity. The sudden emotion made me feel like I could fly and I jumped onto Draco for joy, who caught me and held me effortlessly.

"Pretty nifty words hey Gin?" teased Draco, a genuine smile plastered all over his face to match mine.

"I have words that match yours! Who would've guessed it Mr Malfoy? I love you too!"

"Ah, my darling, that makes two of us."

Oh Merlin. He was just so _cocky _I had to kiss it out of him. Yep, satisfaction for me. He looked quite dazed by the end of it. I don't quite know if it was _just _me… but I could feel something nudging my side and Draco was still holding me up.

"Shall we enter, Draconis?" I prompted, sweeping my arms in a welcoming gesture towards the large wooden doors.

"I desire nothing less," replied Draco cordially to my act. I could sense the double edged implication and I didn't look towards his midriff though I was naturally curious as a cat.

He let me down and took my hand as we walked along the slightly elevating path to the grand entrance. I took the heavy, intricate handle and pushed down slow, hearing the slight mechanisms click and the door give way smoothly to my little strength. Both doors opened and a grand entrance hall stunned me. The entrance hall itself was smooth, cool marble that spanned ten by fifteen metres. The sheer expanse just seemed dumbfounding.

I stared in wonder for what must have been a few moments before saying "let's going exploring Draco!" There was no reply but I heard the clink of the heavy doors shutting. Turning around, I saw Draco looking straight at me with the desire of a man who only had one thing on his mind.

I suddenly found myself looking back at him with the ignited passion of a woman who wanted one thing that only a man could give.

As my bare back laid against the cool of the flawless marble and as Draco's hot body pressed against mine, my last remembered thought was, _'wait 'til our kids find out what happened on their Manor entranceway…' _

▪Ж▪

_This is just a memory…_

I think it's just starting to sink in. I've finally stopped shaking and I don't think I'm going to vomit anymore. I've made that appointment with Healer Kennedy and I'm just breaking Draco's fingers because of the god damn line I have to wait in.

This is a bad dream… It has to be. The way Draco actually looked _scared _yesterday morning at breakfast. This is worst than a bad dream… it's a nightmare that has crossed that line between the dreams and the living.

I still can't believe it. How did this _happen? _I'm only twenty years old! How could it be incurable? How could this happen?

How could this happen?

How could this happen?

What did I do to _make this happen? _

I haven't told anyone else yet. It's like if I admit I have a problem… it really will become true. At least this shock gives me a chance to deny… deny and hope. Deny that I have anything wrong with me, hope that I really am dreaming. Hope that I really did only wake up engaged to my soul mate, to read only endless bills and council notices in the mail.

Finally… my turn. Healer Carl Kennedy is middle aged and dark haired though it had streaks of grey through it. He's easy to talk to, competent and a nice guy in general. In any other case, I would really like him. Right now, I wish he didn't exist. I wish he didn't send me that letter.

Do I really wish I was still ignorant, despite the fact I would have suddenly died in my young years? Yes!

I don't know what plan for life I have… but this is sure to just fuck it up.

"Good morning Ginny," Carl says, motioning me into his office. I get up and Draco with me, his hand gripping mine tightly. Carl notices but he doesn't say anything.

"I'm sorry I had to break the bad news through to you in the mail," he starts after sitting down and looking at me gravely.

I can only stare back at him and hope that this is just one horrible dream and that I would wake up soon because it _wasn't _funny.

"What does this mean for Ginny?" Draco asks in a steady but low voice after I find I can't say anything.

"Well, Hodgkins Lymphoma is an organised spread of disease from one lymph node to another. Generally it is curable through combination chemotherapy, but in Ginny's case it is too late for that. It has spread rapidly."

Whatever hope I was desperately holding onto plummeted into the depths of my churning stomach. For the rest of the appointment I only listened with one ear. The rest of me was trying to come to terms with what was wrong with me. Draco instead embraced every detail for me.

Then the tears come. They are unstoppable. Suddenly I'm defenseless and completely vulnerable. I'm truly mortal and all of Healer Kennedy's technical words and explanations aren't going to change that fact. Throwing myself into Draco's arms seem like the only good option so I do and let myself derive some comfort from his strength.

In the end, after my sobbing and after the healer sympathetically passed around a generous amount of tissues and would-be comforting words, I settle down and listen to his conclusion. He'd run more tests, delve deeper into the disease and work out my life expectancy. The only thing I can do now is take medication to slow the disease down slightly.

Slightly.

To give me maybe another year or two to live.

--+--

"_Take me away…" _I had whispered to Draco when we left St Mungos. I desperately meant it as a plea physically as the grey, morbid walls of St Mungos were pressing down on me and I desperately meant it as a mental thing. I needed an escape from my mind, but with that I was stuck. All the information, all of the healer's sympathy laced words and all of the consequences of this _Hodgkins Lymphoma _were pressuring me, alerting me and demanding my attention.

So Draco took me away. Having sex is and should be a mind blowing experience. It also works as a mind numbing one.

Laying on a deserted beach, having the rough sand grate against your naked body and the clear blue sky lightly blanket me keeps the clarity in my mind.

_Oh god. I have cancer… _I'm a statistic now… and I have one of those so called 'battles' to fight. It explains why I was so fatigued… so out of it.

Carl Kennedy warned me that though I may be feeling perfectly normal, in the months and perhaps years to come I would start to feel my energy drain. He warned that from now on I should take things easy. Rest more. Try things that you never thought you'd try.

Hint.

Live like I'm going to die tomorrow.

He suggested that I stop my Aurorship. That the rigorous training was too much stress on my body. That all the lectures and techniques I had to take in, learn and memorize are to be too taxing on my strength.

That I'll be weak and dependant.

What have I done? I've always worked hard… been patient and hoped for better things. I get into a career I'll enjoy, I've made friends for life and I've gotten engaged with a man who is the person closest to my heart.

What god had to make it unfair? Why god damn it why?

Whatever it fucking takes to simply make this a bad nightmare, I'll do it!

Rolling over onto my side, I look at Draco who in turn is looking out at the rolling waves of the ocean. His hair is all over the place and sand is all over his glorious body. What about Draco then? I know he loves me to death. _To death. _Whatever deity you are, what will killing me do to Draco?

If I'm disposable… how can Draco be? He's suffered, he's repented. He's tried just as hard as me. If I'm imperfect… don't let Draco be punished for it. After all. Aren't I just dying? I'm not going to remember life after death. My suffering will be short compared to Draco's.

A seagull calls from way overheard to wrench me from my reverie.

What am I going to do now? Wait like a sitting duck for a freight truck to come thundering down the road? If I were that poor creature I'd bolt quick smart if I knew that truck was coming.

Except I'm dragged down by weights… I can't get up and I can't move. I can only wait in apprehension and whilst you're desperate to free yourself from the bonds, you have to face the fact you can't. Some other desperate part of you just wants the whole thing to be over with. Because it's hard to deal with.

Because suddenly you realise everything is spiraling out of control. Because you realise that you never had that control in the first place.

The moments pass and a slight breeze tickles my feet.

"Draco," I whisper pathetically, feeling like a fading ghost of who I used to be.

He turned away from the ocean to look at me. His piercing eyes looked into mine firmly as always and remained unchanged; deep and expressive yet completely private and intriguing. His normally impassive face revealed that the corners of his lips were tugging downwards and his brow was creased.

I pull myself across the sand, desperate for any kind of comfort he could give. His arms always seem to be waiting to encase me and they do, giving me faux shelter from the world. Fake as it is… it's enough.

My voice is choked with tears to come as I whisper, "I'm going to die."

With one of my ears tuned into the strong, steady beats of his heart and the other listening to the crash of waves, I'm not quite sure if Draco said, "never," or if the wind is answering instead.

--+--

_This is it_ I think as I watch mum and Charlie, George and Ron clear away the remnants of lunch. Soon they've finished clearing up the tables and are now focusing their attention on me. Earlier I owled mum that I needed everyone at The Burrow. If possible, all my brothers. I gave away nothing in that letter and they were all expectant now, expecting good news…

I can't do this… for a moment I'm frozen. My beautiful family… this piece of news will bring so much pain. Draco beside me squeezes my hand and reminds me that it has to be done. I'm going to have to try.

Standing up… I look straight ahead of me so I don't have to look at any of my family members.

"A few days ago," I start, my voice sounding strangely foreign from my body. "I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. My case is incurable."

The shock I had just dealt is truly palpable.

The first to speak up was Ron.

"Ginny," he gasped in a pained voice. He stood up so fast that he knocked his chair over. Hardly anybody noticed. Gripping my shoulder he asked, "are you sure?" I can't do anything except for nod and squeeze my eyes tight as the tears began to form and leak.

So Ron does what he's done for me his whole life. He tries to protect me. He tries to be the one I look up to because he had always had to look up to older brothers his whole life. He hugs me tight and whispers that it can't be happening and that it can't be true while the rest of the family are exclaiming about how it was a falsehood.

How it couldn't be happening.

Oh god, how soon before they realise this is a reality?

Mum simply walks up with wide unbelieving eyes. "Ginny… how could this be? You're my daughter, you are my _perfect _daughter and you are healthy. You were yesterday and you _must _be today!"

And though I'm feeling as crumpled as shit hidden in Ron's wide chest, I find the energy to yell, "but I'm not healthy! I never was! I've had this god damn cancer since I was fifteen! Did you know that? I didn't! I was never healthy and I'm going to die! There's not a damn thing I can do!" I dimly notice my voice reaching a crescendo and my fists beating futilely against my brother's chest.

I know that the shock is wearing off because of my outburst and now they are beginning to understand the full effects of this. Now my outburst has shattered their shell of unreality and it's _fucking _true that I'm going to die!

"I'm going to die!" I yell again, causing everyone to recoil in sympathy. Sympathy won't do me any good. I suddenly feel a burning energy in me, it's the same burning energy I get when I train at Auror HQ and think about death eaters. It's the same burning energy I derive from an inner passion that has always accompanied me.

All I want to do is kick, and scream, and maybe somebody or _something _will listen and understand!

I need someone to turn my world back the right way.

I need to live! I thrash around violently one last time, not caring what I hit before Ron's strong arms tighten around me and I hear a distant "stupefy" through my anger-hazed mind.

--+--

"Ginny," Draco whispers into my ear. I can't do anything but stare off to the side due to my neck but I feel myself immediately relax. He has a small smile of love on his face… I smile that I have been seeing quite often the past few days. It's a wonderful smile but it's strange not to see his smirk. I believe I'm beginning to miss it.

"Draco," I reply just as softly, as not to disturb the stressed-looking hospital staff. I'm here for a biopsy of my neck and then some scans later on. I'm counting down the minutes until they slice up a small part of my neck with a small but nevertheless sharp scalpel. My entire neck has been numbed with local anesthetic and I can't move it at all.

I can't help but stare at his chiseled god-like face. Even when I'm about to get something pointy stuck into my neck I feel like swooning. Lucky I'm already on this gurney. So I give into my temptations.

"Kiss me. Now."

Ah! Bless me! A smirk from my beloved fiancé.

Oh and he complied beautifully.

It seemed like mere moments later when a disgruntled "ahem" could be heard. I stopped kissing Draco immediately because I knew it was Healer Kennedy but Draco, like the arrogant bastard he is, took his time to look up.

"Ginny, it's time for your biopsy," said Healer Kennedy briskly but with a smile, motioning a nurse to push me into the operating theatre.

As the waiting room disappeared from sight, I hear Draco say, "I'll see you in ten!" But it is too late for me to say anything back.

I close my eyes against the feeling of the scalpel sliding into my neck despite there being no pain, because all there is left for me to endure is a different type of it.

--+--

Three weeks have gone by since I've received that letter. Four weeks since I'd gotten engaged. A list of the areas that the lymphoma had spread to is in my hands and my hands are finally calm.

Draco and I are just sitting out here the balcony, savouring the peace… watching the sun set and wondering where to go from here.

I love these quiet moments together though. They haven't changed. For me, there's just nothing better than leaning against a guy and letting him stroke your hair and the stress away from the day. Nothing more comforting as having to sit with.

No one better than Draco.

No one better to share my last two years with.

A breeze is coming through so on a whim, I raise my arm and let go of the hospital information. The list flaps and floats away with the wind, flowing with wherever the wind desired.

"You're a litterbug," says Draco very softly. I snuggle closer when he kisses my cheek.

Despite myself being given the time to digest the information, to sort out my thoughts and to make plans for my pitifully short future, the tears won't stop coming. If I keep busy enough the thoughts are kept astray but they are ever gnawing.

Draco pulls me close to his heart and lets my tears slide onto him.

▪Ж▪

Ye gads. I'm bored! Draco stayed up late… no… early this morning to get a whole pile of work done so now he's completely conked out on the bed. He won't even stir if I put my hand on his lower stomach and slowly slide it downwards.

Somehow Barry had managed to wrangle an early holiday and left a pile of work for my poor Drakie.

So now it's only eight thirty in the evening and I've finished that damned quilt. I have nothing else to do.

Actually… I have a thought. I've always wondered what Draco's long lashes would look like with a healthy coating of mascara. Why stop at mascara? A touch of blush won't go astray. Oh, Luna bought me excess of this fancy make up from her holiday in France.

My Drakie is going to swoon at his new make-over when he wakes up!

▪Ж▪

**I have absolutely _no _knowledge of medicine nor Hodgkins Lymphoma whatsoever so anything medically related in this fic is fictional only. **

**Pleaaaaaase don't think that I know what I'm talking about!**

**Review! I love them )**

**Thanks for reading too P**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

▪Ж▪

_July 1st 2006_

Happiness and sadness. Who knew that these two emotions could be so interwined?

I'm getting married to the woman who I would follow to the end of earth tomorrow. The moment of matrimony is so close yet so far away. So momentous though the concept wouldn't strengthen or confirm the love and commitment Ginny and I have for each other - but for traditions sake… to see my lovely Ginny in her white wedding dress.

To have the day to us.

Blaise and I have crashed at my flat to celebrate my last night of bachelorhood. Obviously, we are not having a raucous and mind-blowingly fun time since I'm actually writing in this damned diary. We _were_, we as in other friends and Blaise, going to go down to a bar with cheap liquor and dancing girls to drink ourselves into a unforgettable forgotten drunken stupor. Then Michael Whitwell, a good friend of mine from Slytherin whose family _wasn't _part of the Death Eater scrutiny got food poisoning.

_Then_ Michael had to go and be an idiot and share his drink with his best mate Rob Stelling who also happened to be a good friend of mine.

Boom. They had no chance of partying. Blaise and I decided we couldn't be fucked going to a bar after all the vomiting and vomiting. The other guy, Caleb Bonner, decided to ditch us when he realised there'd be no sexy sluts.

I threatened all those bastards with death if they didn't turn up tomorrow.

Five minutes ago, Blaise was drunkenly slapping me on the back and grinning like one of those Cheshire cats. Going on and on about the merits of marriage. I still harbour my suspicions that Luna has drugged him in some form or another and he's lost his mind. Anyhow, he's passed out on the couch that Ginny frequently catnaps in and is snoring – loudly.

But for all of Blaise's enthusiasm, I know his mood is reflecting off my own. My beautiful Ginny. My poor beautiful Ginny. The last fortnight has been hell for her. It's been hell for all of us. Her cancer has just suddenly advanced aggressively. Who am I kidding? Ginny's dying. Even after all of this time, I don't know how I can handle it.

It just can't be right. How can someone so right and so happy be marred by something so depressing?

Is it fair? I have no idea.

Ginny just got out of hospital three days ago. We almost cancelled the wedding. She was completely unresponsive to her treatment. The worst thing was that I could see her fading away in front of me. It was as if whatever barrier was preventing Ginny from leaving me, from leaving us, was wearing out - was giving up.

She just lay there, sleeping, but too tired, too sick to get up with an innumerable amount of tubes going in and out of her. Oh Merlin… I was so close to loosing her. But… we were given another chance.

That healer, who is almost part of the Weasley family now, Kennedy, told us that there was a trial medication that could help Ginny. It wouldn't cure her, but it would give her more time. It had only just been completed by the companies but hadn't been put on the market.

We decided to try it and it did work. Ginny did start to feel better, and the wedding was back on. We're all in denial about the rigid warnings Kennedy gave us, that the medication was short term relief only - short term as in approximately a month.

And so now some kind of twisted acceptance has befallen us and denial is the only way to make it better - and this has got to be the most depressing bachelor party I've ever attended. It's made worse because it's in _my _honour. I wonder if Ginny is having more fun than I am.

I saw her briefly before she darted off to Luna's. - which is also Blaise's house. A pair of black boots, a short black skirt and a low cut slutty top. Spangly silver jewelry everywhere and a radiant smile on her face. Despite her looking like a hooker she seemed so innocent. Innocence in youth and innocence of life. The medication was doing its job.

Still… she looked like a malnourished hooker. I find it ironic that that Ginny had to drop her wedding dress size down two, since she barely ate while she was hospitalized but back in the heydays of Blaise and Luna's wedding, Ginny kept complaining about how fat she looked.

And now, in the dead of night with one failed party, one pissed and unconscious friend and the night to burn, I'm going to take out the wedding gift that Colin got Ginny and I. It's what Ginny describes as a "beautifully done" photo album completely dedicated to us - the two most attractive and damned people on the planet.

▪Ж▪

_This is just a memory…_

"Draco," I hear a whispered voice by my ear. I open my eyes to Ginny who is splayed over my body like a rug.

"Happy birthday babe," I whisper back. Ginny's hair is tickling my face and I'm starting to loose myself in the warmth of her brown eyes.

"I beat them Draco, I did it. I'm twenty three. Kennedy was wrong."

I can feel my face arch into a grin just as Ginny suddenly bursts into tears.

"Shh… Ginny. I'm here. You're here. It's going to be a great twenty third birthday for you. Ron promised to not threaten to kill me in any way and Charlie brought a supposedly timid dragon from Romania."

"Gods Draco," she mumbles into my chest. "It's just that with all the medication, appointments and fear… god Draco is it _worth _it? Is this personal hell worth it I ask you!

"Don't Gin… of course it's worth it. Would I ever fight for anything less than desirable? I wouldn't ever waste my energy on anything unimportant. It's an insult to me if you haven't heard me for the past few centuries. I love you. A lot of other people love you and they're also afraid for you. They're fighting for you. Don't let them down," I reply, breathing in that unmistakable scent of Ginny and stroking her bare back.

There's a few minutes silence as Ginny calms down and there is the shortening of shadows in our bedroom.

"Thank you for not telling me everything is okay, Draco. You're the best," sighs Ginny contentedly, rubbing her inner thighs against mine. I'd obviously pulled her out of her funk. And oh… Ginny's lips… can't think.

_Oh god,_ her hands are already there… she's quick.

--+--

"Was that a gift from me to you or you to me Ginny?" I ask after we've caught our breaths. "Because you wouldn't let me give you any." Ginny simply tosses her wavy hair backwards and laughs her tinkling laugh.

"But Draco. The gift is in giving. You Malfoys obviously don't give much do you?" quirked Ginny back in response.

"You wouldn't give me a chance," I laugh, flipping Ginny on her back and tickling her senseless.

We lay there for long moments, letting the adrenalin of sex and tickles fade away.

Ginny suddenly murmured "remember when I used to go out with Dean…?"

"Merlin yes. He was a little fucker. Honestly Ginny, what were you thinking? Even _Potter's_ better than Dean." I spat Potter's name out.

"_Hey._ Now you're just being discriminatory against Gryffindor. What did Gryffindor ever do to you?" growled Ginny, nuzzling closer to me.

"Produced some of the greatest idiots in existence. Potter. _Ronald, _Thomas…"

"Alright alright alright. Slytherin isn't that hip either. I want to put my fist into Snape's face… so… badly. Oh and Slughorn. Friendly, but psychotic. Then there's you - the sadistic bastard." As a natural reaction, my lips curled into a smirk.

"Oh and Malfoy - wipe that filthy smirk off your face."

I continue smirking.

"Ginny…" I say softly after a while.

"Mm?" she mms.

"I can still remember, clear as I can see you now… breaking Thomas's jaw. I will never forget that for as long as I live. It was the sexiest most dick-hardening thing I've ever seen."

"That was satisfying. God. Just because he couldn't get someone else to screw him," continued Ginny.

"I'm glad you didn't sleep with him."

"So am I," Ginny replies simply and it warms me to my core.

--+--

It's a quarter past one and I only have half an hour to eat lunch and talk to Ginny before the senate break ends. Pushing through a myriad of harassed looking politicians like I, I hold the tray with our lunches up high, cursing this _bloody _crowd.

And then table that Ginny's seated at comes into view. She looks so small and forlorn sitting by herself and I can't kick this ever present niggly attraction I feel towards her. Ah, that's why I've been practicing faithfulness to this redheaded she-weasel. That's why I freaking proposed to her.

"Draaaaaco!" says Ginny, her hair in plaited in pigtails so she'd be illegally adorable. "Got my pasta?"

"Yes dearest," I reply sarcasticly.

"Shove it up yours," retorts Ginny, flipping me her longest finger and scowling. We both eat with refined dignity… fine, we're both stuffing our faces; for ten minutes when Ginny suddenly mentions out of the blue…

"Remember our first kiss?"

My thoughts are jolted as I speed backwards in memory lane.

"I do indeed remember our first kiss," I reply, my eyebrow quirking up. Ginny smiles a destructive smile.

"What did you think of it?" she prompts, batting her lashes. As ridiculous and lame the motion is, it does look endearing on her. Damn it. It's always _just _Ginny isn't it? My thoughts always travel in a round-about-kind-of-way where I always end up thinking about how much I love her.

"Very cute," I answer dryly. "I was actually surprised a Gryffindor had enough skill to summon up a sprig of mistletoe. Clever."

I'm just quick enough to close my eyes as Ginny quickly flings a piece of pasta from her fork at me.

"Bitch," I hiss, wiping the offending Italian dish from my stinging eyelid. Ginny simply giggles and grinds the heel of her stiletto-like shoe into my shin from underneath the table. It takes _all _of my willpower not to screw my face up in pain.

"Fucker," Ginny hisses back, a smug smile in place.

"Fine," I quip, glaring at my beloved fiancé as threateningly as possible. "I thought it was the sweetest first kiss I'd ever experienced. Happy now? Why that question now anyway?"

"Just revisiting some of the best moments in my life and reacquainting myself with them while I can."

"Ginny…" I murmur, picking up on her change of mood.

"Don't bother Draco. Words don't change anything, do they?"

--+--

"Oh my god, Draco c'mere," I hear Ginny yell from the other room. I put down the book I'm reading and walk into the lounge room where Ginny is supporting a heavy-looking photo album in her arms.

Standing behind her, I snake my arms underneath hers and hold the album for her. Ginny's relief from the weight is tangible. I look.

It's a wizard's photo of Ginny's graduating year. Approximately two hundred shining and happy faces eager to be released from the confines of Hogwarts. The witches and wizards hats that were thrown into the air were suspended there and there was a ripple of diplomas waving around. In a few moments, I sought out Ginny's firetruck red hair midst Luna and Colin's blonde. The three were hugging and jumping in innocent happiness, something I had not seen in a while.

My lips curve into an involuntary smile and I kiss the curve of Ginny's neck.

"I was proud of you, you know that?" I murmur, enjoying the warmth of Ginny's body.

"Yeah, I did know that. That day was so bittersweet. I think it was more sweet than bitter for me though."

"Of course," I say. "Because you could then spend decent time with me."

"Oh the great Draco Malfoy. Always the one to assume everyone actually likes him."

"Nobody likes me, they either despite me, envy me or are infatuated. Only you love me."

"Aah, the truest thing you've ever said Draco my dearest," murmurs Ginny. "Do you remember the dinner after graduation?"

"I certainly do. That was still the best ever roast lamb I've ever had. Your mum… her cooking… I can't get over it. Your cooking however…" and suddenly my breath is gone because she's turned around in my arms and pressed her knee hard against my balls. Slowly, she's increasing the pressure and glaring steadfastly into my eyes."

Gasping, I manage, "sorry baby. It's the truth." I knew it was the wrong thing to say, but I said it anyway. Next moment, before I know it, Ginny's taken me to the ground and has her foot pressed against my throat.

"So tonight won't be a repeat to what happened the night I came over for the first Weasley dinner?"

And the glares keep coming. However, out of the corner of my eye, I see Ginny's lips twitch into a small smile as she stalks off. Being caught pashing desperately in the backyard by the Weasley parentals must have being mortifyingly embarrassing for Ginny at the time, but now they're treasured memories.

--+--

On a boat, rocking back and forth, watching Zabini and … the She-Zabini snorkeling in the turquoise waters of the Caribbean. Riveting stuff it is. This is what the couple dragged Ginny and I along to do. Well… actually they only had to drag me. Ginny was ecstatic about coming here for the long weekend. I understand why though - Ginny is usually either at the hospital for check-ups, at the apothecary for medicine, at the Burrow for some tea or at home resting in bed.

Anybody who knows Ginny properly knows that she hates the loss of freedom - the restriction of cancer.

When the Zabini mutation invited us to go, Ginny jumped and attached herself to the idea. No persuading or cajoling by me or family changed her mind. She was going to the Caribbean, and that was that.

Colin, the other best friend got a tag-along-invite as well. He brought his slutty model girlfriend along for the ride. Literal ride. If I pretend hard enough, I'll realise that that faint thumping noise below deck is Ginny hammering a nail into a piece of wood.

Because Ginny would _really _have a reason to be hammering… OH GOD.

Colin… hammering, that…slutty model who keeps eying me off. As soon as Ginny pays some real attention to that slut… Miriam, Ginny will sink her fists in that model's pretty face. Why is she fucking Colin anyway? Dennis Creevey is gay… shouldn't it run in the family? Whatever.

"Draco," comes Ginny voice from beside me. I look up at her from my deck chair and smirk appreciatively. Ginny in a skimpy bikini, with her luxurious crimson hair loose and an oversized pair of sunnies covering her eyes.

"Move your pale arse," she finishes.

I do not comply. Instead, "no Ginny. Show me your sexy one."

And Merlin… I, she, I think she just mooned me - but she's pulled her bikini bottoms back up so fast I don't know if I've imagined it or not!

Instead, she's pulled over another deck chair and has opened up her fist.

"Luna and Blaise's wedding rings," she says softly, the strong rays of sunlight bouncing off her the rings and reflecting from her sunglasses into my eyes.

"That is a freaking big rock," I mutter, squinting into Luna's ring. They must have taken them off so they wouldn't lose them in the water.

"Oh Draco," says Ginny with a giggle, her eyes misted and gazing over the surface of the water where two snorkels were gliding over the surface. "I'm so happy for them. I still am. They are _so _happy."

"Are you happy about us?" I ask, fully knowing the answer but wanting something from Ginny in return for all the love she spares our best friends."

"Happier than happy."

"Remember their wedding Ginny?"

"How could I forget? Whilst I was walking behind Luna I had to keep whispering, "don't run Luna! Whatever you do, don't run down the fucking aisle!"

I laugh. How could I not? "I was so hungry. I considered the reactions of the guests of the best man suddenly bolted off to the buffet table to quickly stuff his face before running back with the ring safely in hand."

"You were the most handsome person there. Full stop. God, how I wanted to fuck you. At the same time however, I was just, unexplainably happy for Luna, I just couldn't stop thinking of how happy the two were going to be."

"Ginny, I simply wanted to fuck you."

Ginny glared at me pointedly from behind her sunglasses.

"Okay and fine, I was proud and happy for Blaise too."

"Sounds about right," sighs Ginny happily. Just as she was leaning over to kiss me, Blaise and Luna haul themselves out of the water. Ginny dashes up, slips the rings onto the corresponding fingers and she suddenly tackles me, using her momentum to push us over the side of the boat into the warm blue paradise that is the Caribbean.

All that I feel is Ginny against my body and the water, and that is all I know – and that is all that is bliss.

--+--

My head is fucking groggy from that binge drinking I had tonight with Blaise. Why, why did we have to celebrate him earning yet another fucking contract with some homosexual clothing company? So Blaise is a pretty boy, what's new?

I suppose if I could make the decision all over again, I would go out drinking, again. This time to drown the disgusting guilt I feel. Tonight, Ginny hadn't been fairing all too well, like she hasn't been lately. She was just slouched on the couch, eyes squeezed tight to try and shut out the pain. She'd already maxed the amount of morphine she could intake.

"Go," she tells me with a vengeance, shoving my arms off when I put them around her.

"Gin," I said as softly as possible. "You need me here."

"Fuck off Draco, get out," she hisses with real venom, which takes me back with surprise and which also really, really hurts. I may just be using this as an excuse… but with the stress of Ginny in pain and all the shit from work, my temper was short. I hadn't done this for a long time, but I didn't compromise. I didn't really stop to think of how short her temper would be too – and I was so close losing myself in anger. So I stormed out, slamming the door as spectacularly as possible. I should have known that there'd been at least a month of stress and friction building up between us, but I didn't do anything to fix it.

I drown the night in anger and expensive crap that Blaise is treating everyone to and then I drunkenly apparate my arse home; to have Ginny tossing and turning and moaning in pain in her sleep. I felt sympathy but I felt like vomiting at the same time.

"Draco," she suddenly says.

"Ginny. I'm tired. So fuckin' tired," I groan back tiredly in response.

There's a silence and I can almost sense Ginny tensing her muscles through another spasm of pain. "Sorry," she whispers almost inaudibly a few moments later.

Ahh. Guilt; in crushing waves now that the dam of anger has been demolished with alcohol.

"I'm sorry Ginny. So sorry."

"Draco," she whispers urgently. She rolls onto me, her hair falling down in sweaty ropes and her face pale and sheened with perspiration. "Remember when you found out Narcissa was to be executed? Remember? Is that what's wrong? Do you still feel guilty? Is that why things are so tense between us?"

"Oh Ginny… no that's not it--" but she cuts me off.

"You felt so bad. I remember I felt horrible for you too, but you never told me what was wrong for so long. Don't freeze me out. Yell, kick, hit me if you want, just don't freeze me out because I'm more scared of loosing you than loosing my life. I can't do this without you Draco! Tell me what's wrong!" Ginny ends up screaming and sobbing and I can't help but feel like the greatest dickhead in the world.

"Nothing is more wrong than it usually is, Ginny. Nothing is worse than anything before, but nothing is better either. I'm sorry either way Ginny. It's just too hard."

"Can I be sorry for something I can't control?" Ginny whispers through her sobs.

The following day, Kennedy announced at the hospital that the lymphoma's made another aggressive advance further into Ginny's body.

--+--

"Got the wineglasses?" Ginny asks from underneath a pile of washing.

I take the mounds of linen from Ginny's arms and replace them with the wrapped box of wineglasses. The top of the range, fanciest crystal you could afford. Something worthy of a Malfoy residence – instead, to be given to the Weasel.

Oh for Merlin's sake, I'm going to have to specify which Weasel aren't I? Not the she-weasel who's examining her dress and hair in the mirror, the Potter worshipper Weasel. _Ronald_ Weasley, who managed to ensconce some poor innocent lass into matrimony.

Yes, Ginny and I are attending Ron's engagement party. I snorted and kept reading _The Daily Prophet _when Ginny came home the other day and announced this phony piece of information to me. Then she slapped the back of my head and that hurt more than I'd like to admit.

"Beautiful as usual," I say from behind her, my eyes boring into hers through the medium of reflective glass. The full length depicts a very imposing picture of two wealthy and sophisticated people. Ginny's deep emerald evening gown, slim figure and upswept hair exuded an aura of delicateness and formality. My own clean cut designer dress robes, polished black shoes, height, impeccable hair and stone-cold focused eyes make people immediately back off but follow with their eyes.

"We're beautiful," Ginny whispered, the box of glasses quivering slightly in her arms.

"We're perfect," I whisper back and we're both lost in a surreal moment where two people, at their height of youthful vitality are staring back at us with wide clear eyes and confidence that could topple towers.

"Our own engagement was perfect," murmurs Ginny, standing on her toes slightly and nesting her head in the curve of my neck, where it belongs, where she fits. "I thought I was going to combust with an overdose of happiness. Only you Draco, can make me feel out of this planet – only you make me feel so alive."

There's a quiet moment and in that moment we are one. I feel my heart swell with love, feeding the addiction of Ginny and her requited love.

"But for now, let's be happy for my favourite brother."

"If we must."

The fragile stranger in the mirror grinned whilst the other rolled his eyes.

--+--

"The intern said that Healer Kennedy's just gone out for a quick lunch. He'll be back in fifteen minutes," said Ginny appearing from the corridor of St Mungos. She sits down and we both instinctively shuffle closer.

"We're always waiting aren't we? Is that all life is? One big wait?" I ask softly, absent mindedly stroking Ginny's hair.

"Oh shush Draco. Only I'm allowed to be pessimistic," replies Ginny with a heavy sigh. We're back for our bi-monthly check up and the feeling of "_oh fuuuuuck," _that accompanies it. Instead of feeling depressed, like I usually do around the sterile walls of this establishment, I smirk. Malfoys smirking will make everything better – however how temporary.

"Excited about the movie?" Ginny asks after a moment.

"You'd think after how many years Colin's been a wizard he'd drop his muggle habits."

"Nobody thought that after all these years, Draco Malfoy would be a friendly bloke," quips Ginny without breaking stride.

After a moment's contemplation, I say "Wench. I'll let that one pass, only because I love you."

Ginny simply grins and pecks my cheek. "I feel so honored."

The minutes tick by in the cheerless environment of healers and interns rushing about, the occasional yell from the next ward; due to its psychiatric patients and the never ending tick of time.

"Draco… what do you think would be worse, me dying suddenly without warning, or this - letting time drag and playing the waiting game? Which would hurt more?" Ginny suddenly asks, her big brown eyes gazing intently into my mine.

"Ginevra, I know you're allowed to be pessimistic, but please. I don't want to talk about you dying - not in a place like this where I can't deny how sick you are."

"I can't help but wonder. What would be worse? What if I suddenly just died in my sleep, and we had no idea. What if I never went for the check-up Carly ordered me to? What would you have been like?" Ginny presses, her hands clutching at mine.

I close my eyes tightly and try to drown out the voice I love listening to. Ginny never gave up when she wanted an answer, and she wasn't about to now. I could feel that whatever forces that were holding me together inside were eroding, losing strength. I could feel that numbing sense of dread and loss crowding my thoughts and demanding all my attention and there was ought I could do to stop it once it started.

"Both are killing me Ginny," I say in a strained voice. "If you left me suddenly, I wouldn't have any stability in my life at all. This way… I know what's coming – but knowing what's coming is just as bad as having no stability. I can only see that this way, what's happening now, I can keep you with me. To love you like you should be loved, to protect you from something that knows no bounds." I could sense my voice was going to crack soon so I stop talking.

I hear Ginny's intake of breath but her lips never formed the words because Kennedy suddenly said, "Ginny, sorry about the wait. Would you like to come in now?"

Despite Kennedy's friendliness and reassuring manner, I can't help feeling like we're falling into darkness with the end of the descent drawing painfully near.

▪Ж▪

If there is one good thing that Ginny's best friend can do, it is compose a good photo album. May Creevey never read this diary as his ego is so boosted it's starting to compete for space with my own.

So what, he can take a few silly pictures, so now all the snotty people rave on about how they want to hire the little fucker for every little photoshoot and social function of theirs.

Of course Ginny is a pillar of support. As far as I can remember, Ginny and Luna have always been loyal friends to Colin, encouraging him with his photography fetish and letting him take practice photos of the two back in Hogwarts.

The last photo in the album is the most recent. It was a muggle picture of Ginny in a hospital bed posing for a picture whilst brandishing a large syringe. Her smile is happy but her eyes are not.

How does one stop his world from falling apart?

How does the groom find any sleep before his wedding night?

▪Ж▪

**I am so, so sorry. It has been about a fortnight since I last updated – I know. I've been procrastinating and it has been unstoppable. Thank you, so much, for your patience. **

**Thank you all for your reviews, I appreciate them all!**

**If you've read carefully, you would have noticed something about this chapter. The memories of Draco's are all the previous memories in this fic - revisited. I hope you've understood this chapter, as it is long and may be confusing. Don't hesitate to ask me about anything if you're confused – though it means I'm a terrible author. **

**We're on the home stretch now!**

**xox - yourbeautifulnightmare**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

▪Ж▪

The day broke clear and warm on the second day of June but Molly Weasley had rolled off her bed and away from her still-slumbering husband before the rising of the sun to pause and smile. She knew she was smiling because her only daughter was to wed the love her life but Molly was also smiling because she had cried too many times for her daughter as well. It was barely conceivable to Molly that there would be so many tears – so much heartache for Ginny.

Denial – she reckoned, just like all of Ginny's loved ones soon found out – wasn't always a bad thing.

Molly dressed quickly and quietly in the dimness of pre-dawn and stepped out onto the upstairs hallway. Like the thousands of times in the past – she passed Ginny's childhood bedroom. She decided today, instead of leaving the bedroom door to her peripheral vision, Molly paused and turned the handle – pushing open the door to a myriad of memories and forgotten familiarities.

The soft green paint that Ginny had chosen when she was three had faded over the years but still remained an identifiable colour and a pleasing hue. Ginny's second handed – some third handed furniture still remained in the exact same positions twenty years previous.

Posters of young witches' fancies were magically tacked up against the walls. There was a Chudley Cannon's poster that Ron had given his sister because he bought a Quidditch poster book when Bill gave him the same one not long after for his birthday. There was a poster of the Weird Sisters and a poster of two preppy witches who hosted a popular witches' radio skit on the Wizarding Wireless.

The delicate purple comforter than Molly had knitted in what seemed to her a lifetime ago still lay on Ginny's rather springy bed and a row of teddys and dolls still sat obediently in neat rows on the comforter.

None of these things surprised Molly – rather it let her stop holding her breath. Molly knew that no one would disturb this room. What did take her by surprise was the utter stillness. There was now no lively and childish Ginny to run up the stairs – rush into her room and jump excitedly on her bed when she found out that she was going to get a Comet 370 since she made it into the Gryffindor quidditch team in her second year.

There was no Ginny throwing a hormonal fifteen-year-old tantrum when she couldn't afford clothes like Luna - though fully knowing that she should've just let the whole thing go. The memory of Ginny running up the stairs away from her parents and slamming her bedroom door seemed like a surreal dream to Molly – like she knew it definitely happened but some part of her mind was making her doubt.

The freshest memory Molly had of Ginny and her childhood bedroom was of her last night in The Burrow. Ginny who had just freed herself from the cusp of teenagedom and womanhood, stood alone and seemingly lost in a revere just inside of her door. Her eyes were focused into the distance through her window and Molly had no doubt that she was thinking of Draco. Ginny had packed everything she needed for the move into Draco's flat and everything she needed certainly wasn't the comforter, nor the posters nor the toys. Molly accepted with a heavy heart that all of her children were grown up and just like Bill, Charlie and rest of Ginny's older brothers – she would make her own way with life.

"Goodnight mum," said Ginny softly when she heard her mother rustle by the doorway. Struck by her daughter's confident smile and assured manner, Molly took a moment longer than usual to reply.

"Goodnight dear," Molly had softly said back and then Ginny gently closed the door – like she was closing that particular chapter of her life.

So now why did Molly – who was staring transfixed at the worn carpet where in her mind Ginny was standing all those years back – feel like Ginny's book was headed for a premature final chapter?

Despite her best efforts, trails of tears escaped her pair of worn eyes and she knew full well why.

--+--

_Monkey sweet crumpled-horned snorkacks what is that? _thought Luna Zabini irritably through a haze fogginess in her mind. The warmth of the rising sun was prodding her pale limbs and the rays were pricking at her tired eyes. Luna really didn't sleep well – her mouth and throat was dry and scratchy from all the alcohol she had consumed the previous night, her low cut top had shifted in her sleep to almost reveal her nipples, she had someone's stiletto heel jabbing into her back and when her eyes adjusted to the morning light – she discovered that she'd fallen asleep on her balcony.

Luna pulled the offending shoe from beneath and took a look at it. It was definitely Ginny's – she remembered a while ago taking her best friend on a shopping trip throughout muggle London and splurging on the city's delights. Colin wisely did not participate.

Pushing her long dirty blonde hair away from her face – Luna smiled in reminiscence. That shopping trip was one in a long time where everything felt normal, like her friend wasn't going to drop dead at any moment – because lately, very lately, Luna knew that everything was going downhill for her best friend.

Many times now Luna paused and thought back to the good old days of Hogwarts and the thrill of graduating and finding their own careers. Luna was the literate editor with a passion for a good article on conspiracy theories that Scrimgeour is really a vampire and Luna still did believe that Fudge was in the centre of it all – cooking goblins in pies and having that army of fire-demons who go by the name of Heliopaths.

Colin had completely excelled with his passion for photography. He knew he had reached the pinnacle of his career where he won the prestigious award for best photographer in both the Wizarding sectors and the muggle ones.

_Oh Ginny…_ thought Luna with a smile while staring offhandedly at the stiletto. Ginny was always the one who wanted to be better than what she was, to work harder – to be independent. Luna loved the way that Ginny was a bit of a soul searcher, always trying to find if she led her own life or if life led her. Luna supposed that Ginny chose an Aurorship to push the boundaries, to have a career that could fulfill Ginny's desire to make a difference to herself and to those around her.

Luna glanced down at her left hand where the full carat princess cut diamond wedding band stared back at her. Whenever Luna wasn't in a rush to get out of bed in the mornings, she'd always take the time to get lost in the many facets of the gem and lose herself in thought. She normally thought of her own husband but today Luna imagined Ginny and Draco's matrimony.

_Would their marriage be as good as Blaise and I's? _Luna wondered. Deep in her heart she knew that their love for each other would transcend any petty problems that the pair may face – but she also knew with a heavy heart that their love couldn't save Ginny from death.

Luna stared out over the large lush yard that belonged to her and sighed. Draco had asked Luna to look after Ginny's medication for her because there was no doubt that she'd forget to take it herself after a hard night's partying. Oh – but what a night they had.

The alcohol flowed, the music pumped and the girls were on fire. Luna was amazed at how Ginny found deep reserves of energy within her to dance, to sing, to drink and to laugh the whole night through just like every one of her twenty three year old peers. Through the slowly clearing haze of her hangover, Luna saw the old vibrant Ginny she used to know – the girl who was like her surrogate sister.

Pulling herself up from the balcony she fell asleep on, Luna groggily lurched herself back into her large house to down a beaker full of hangover potion she had set on her bedside table. In the kitchen where she was nervously measuring out potions and tablets, her hands shook and knocked over half of the potion's ingredients.

The cauldron was starting to smolder and give off an acrid smell and just as Luna extinguished the over-large flame, her eyes uncontrollably sought out Ginny's wedding dress which was hanging in the closet by the kitchen door. The white hue of the garment seemed too pure and with the beauty of the dress came an undeniable sadness - sadness and almost a premonition that something bad was to happen to Ginny. That sadness coupled with fear broke whatever emotional dam Luna had created for her best friend's sake and she slid to the ground with tears sliding down her face and she hoped to Merlin that her friends would not wake up to her unhappiness on the day of Ginny's matrimony.

--+--

The statuesquely haughty expression in the vanity mirror stared back at Narcissa Malfoy with a measured amount of disdain, confidence and aloofness. Then, the thin, shapely and middle-aged widow let her guard drop for the moment in the privacy of her board room.

Slouching on her magicked pouff, Narcissa's eyes wandered over to the latest copy of _The Daily Prophet _on her make-up laden table. It was opened to the socialite's wedding page where her son and Weasley, the fiancé - dominated the page.

"How unorthodox," murmured Narcissa softly to herself, while eying Ginny's appearance in the mid-shot Wizarding photo with cool judgment. It was obvious that the once young and scrawny looking Weasley had grown up very much. Narcissa saw the unmistakable love held between her only son and the girl. Though Draco still had that familiar cool smirk to his face, (much to Narcissa's relief) his protective arms never strayed far from Ginny's shoulders and his eyes had a inner-light, a twinkle to them that was unmistakably love – a happiness that not even _The Prophets' _low-grade paper could hide.

Narcissa saw with dose of satisfaction that Ginevra Weasley was _completely _enamoured by her son. Narcissa had long stopped thinking of her desire for her only child to be _happy _as cliché.

She giggled dryly to herself when she thought of herself as the "perfect" mother. Narcissa wasn't kidding herself. She was a terrible mother to Draco. She and Lucius were responsible for Draco's pressured childhood – she knew. All those years back, when Voldemort was rising to power again, Narcissa was already in far too deep to back out.

It was a never ending cycle that got worse and worse – Narcissa needed, she _craved _power and control. Ironically, it was Voldemort who took it all away when she was promised by her husband and the Dark Lord himself that power and control would be granted unto her. That promise was never delivered, time and time again – but Narcissa was hooked, and like promises from a cheating lover, she was desperate enough to believe in The Cause whilst she locked away the rational part of her deep inside.

And so she raised the Malfoy heir accordingly. With a tough love that took a hardened child like Draco to sense. So Draco had never had the ideal parents, but Narcissa gave him the greatest gift after Lucius was executed – the choice. The choice to whether stay with the family's dark past or to move onto the future with a myriad of open doors.

Draco made his choice and if _The Prophet _was anything to go by in the past years, her beloved son was doing well – and… supposed Narcissa, she liked the look of Ginny Weasley. With the years that past and the jaded aura that surrounded her days now, Narcissa only dearly wanted to meet the girl who she formerly thought of as a waste of pureblood.

_As long as there's love and as long as it lasts…_ thought Narcissa.

She had already made plans to apparate from South Africa in the night to make it back to England in their morning. Deciding that she'd relaxed her thoughts and posture long enough, Narcissa straightened her back and stopped reminiscing about the past – which was about her and contacting some corrupt Ministry of Magic officials who owed her their lives. Narcissa had smirked to herself many times when she thought back to the secret Dark Magic she had experienced that ceased her existence for a total of two and a half days, rendering all of the Ministry's safeguards against their prisoners of war useless.

Narcissa had simply walked out.

As any intelligent witch who wanted to disappear without the help of Dark Magic would do – Narcissa bit the 'bullet' and disappeared into international Muggle society. Ever the sharper point of the blade, Narcissa had built herself a half-façade of snobbishness and disgust for everything non-magical or poor over the years. When the officials came searching with their tails between their heads, they would have never expected the haughty, pale and fragile widow to be residing in the heat of South Africa and roughing it up as a muggle.

And so, that was exactly what she had done. Narcissa had discovered an English-teaching program where people voluntarily gave up their time and traveled over to the country to teach the poorer, disadvantaged children who lived in remote villages. It was England-based so Narcissa was fairly certain that there'd be at least someone to share her accent with some familiarity. It would be the last place in the Ministry's mind and the work would give her time to stabilize herself and to plot for her very different future.

Living as a muggle did not quite suit Narcissa's fine taste and she still thought herself superior to everybody around her – mostly because in the privacy of her room, she kept her wand close at hand and relished that magic made the mundane tasks she witnessed everyday effortless. However – she could not accept she was superior to the poor villages' occupants due to their lack of effort. Everyday their struggles to make it through everyday life pressed upon her like a smothering pillow.

In Narcissa's heart, she knew the reason whys he had stayed in Africa for so long though. The alien children she schooled at first seemed strange to her. They had tight curly hair, darker skin that she had thought possible and a desperation that reminded herself of her clinging to Voldemort's power. In the hot sun, dry winds and undulated plains of the Sahara, a far cry from what she was used to back in England, she was given a second chance with the children – and that was half of what was needed to heal Narcissa's scars.

The other half was to seek her son and to support him indefinitely, but the bitter, realistic and cold-hearted part that dominated most of her knew that she was far too late.

--+--

"Morning girly," came a happy voice from beside Ginny. That was the only moment of clarity she experienced before the full effects of a killer hangover hit her. After some of the initial throbbing had passed, Ginny focused her bleary eyes on the girl who was sprawled on the ground next to her.

"Oh hey Mandy. That was one killer hens night," mumbled Ginny through a dry throat.

"Girly – wait till your wedding night," quipped Ginny's good friend since pre-Hogwarts for "Little Witches and Wizards."

Despite feeling fully drained from one night's hard partying, Ginny felt a zing of excitement within her and consequentially she grinned. All around her, friends who had decided to crash the night, (all of them) were waking up groggily and groaning.

Luna drifted into the room, all dirty blonde haired, tousled clothing and misty-eyed. Using her wand, she daintily opened all the curtains in the room with one over-exaggerated wave which was followed by many loud groans of dissent. Luna then proceeded to conjure up a gong and bang it loudly, causing a resounding noise that shocked every girl in the room to the core.

"Morning ladies, we're all hungover this morning to celebrate Ginny's matrimony to none other than the sexy Slytherin – Draco Malfoy!" announced Luna happily whilst banging on the gong again for extra effect…

…to a chorus of "fuck off!"

"Hear hear!" cried Luna in oblivion. "Hangover potions for all in the kitchen then get the crumpled snorkacks out of my house!"

After everybody had freshened up and promised to see the bride later in the afternoon for the ceremony and reception, Ginny and Luna sat alone together nursing their after-potion coffees.

"How are you feeling Gin?" asked Luna levelly, her usually misty-eyes were focused.

Ginny took a moment to take stock of herself before she answered. "I feel okay. Y'know? Not great, like how the new medication used to make me feel, but bearable."

The two friends sat together quietly in contemplation in the vast Zabini kitchen.

"Just a tad clichéd don't you think?" said Luna breathily.

"That two best friends married two best friends?" answered Ginny, intuitively knowing what was going through Luna's mind.

"Poor Colin," smiled Luna. "He's just the _other _best friend."

"Hahah, yes. The gossip rags are saying that Dennis his himself a fiancé though. I saw a picture of Colin's possible brother-in-law. Damn – he's hot," giggled Ginny into her coffee. "What time is Colin coming around to start the picture taking?"

"Mmm, we're flooing him when you're ready. Whenever _you're _ready Gin, we are," answered Luna with unmistakable sadness peppering her usually carefree tone.

"Luna…" said Ginny softly, feeling the ever familiar sense of impending doom and heartache.

"You're the best friend I've ever had Ginny. You're the only friend I've _ever _had apart from Colin. It hurts so much for you to leave us so soon in life. It isn't right."

"I know Luna. I know."

The two friends rested their foreheads on each other's and tried to draw strength from their lasting friendship.

--+--

"A-la one fancy set of matrimonial dress robes," announced Blaise, in a much happier mood since he had taken a dose of anti-hangover.

Draco quirked an eyebrow in his best friend's direction.

"You have _clearly _outdone yourself there. Which wardrobe did you nick that from?" quipped Draco whilst returning to his calming actions of tidying.

"Look, I know you could probably afford to purchase the Ministry of Magic itself, but you don't need to waste money on dress robes. The agency gives me the latest free stuff all the time." Blaise's face was split into a large grin.

"I still can't believe you chose such a pansy career path," grunted Draco as he brushed away the spiderwebs that decorated his ceiling.

"Let's not get into this argument again."

Soon Draco was done and Blaise was helping himself to the contents of the fridge.

"Looks kind of empty, doesn't it?" said Blaise in a muffled voice, half of the fridge out on plates.

"Can't wait to move into my Manor."

"What are you going to do with all that space?"

"What my family has _always _done with all that space. Spend enormous amounts of money on ridiculous relics and employ an army of house elves to clean it routinely."

"Aah," aahed Blaise through a mouthful of salami. "Remember when we listened carefully, back then, we'd figure out that our parents were having competitions on who had the better what?"

"Indeed…" said Draco. "We really ought to start our own new family rivalry." Blaise sensed the caution and the sensitivity that the topic was leading to. However, Draco carried on. "A family too. Remember how we thought we'd stay bachelors forever?" he asked with a grin. Blaise found it hard to return it. "Now that I'm getting married, I'm glad that decision wasn't in a contract. I want children, hell, if Lucius was here he'd either try to kill Ginny or demand that I produce some heirs at least."

"Do you think it's never going to happen?" asked Blaise gently.

"Who am I kidding?" replied Draco, a bitter edge attached to his voice.

"Try and make yourself happy. Envision for the future."

"It's not as easy as you think when it seems like every second day you're in hospital with Ginny as thin and as frail as a stick."

"So?" asked Blaise pointedly, devoid of any sympathy for the moment. "You're going to get married today! Lighten up! The medication's doing its job and that's all we need."

"Why are you so happy?" asked Draco suspiciously.

"Oh… you know, the usual – Luna's pregnant." Blaise soon found he could not keep the grin off his face.

There was a pause where both men stared each other down.

Finally, Draco's own face broke out in a grin as well and he yelled "Zabini! You horny little bastard!" and they both hugged and cracked open another bottle.

"When was this?" asked Draco, giving Blaise a hearty slap on the back and purposefully making him choke.

"Fucker. Luna only found out a week ago and she's already a month in. It's just today that I've really got my head around the fact that I'm going to be a dad."

"What's it feel like?" asked Draco earnestly, for once not knowledgeable in every aspect.

"Merlin, it's exciting as all hell. I suppose it's that… that child is Luna and I's. We're going to have a kid who's a mixture of us both, and is almost like a living embodiment of our love. Hard to explain… it's just exciting and it's just natural for us to become parents."

"I'm happy for you," said Draco truthfully, but inside, he couldn't stop feeling like he was missing out… being dragged behind. When Blaise kept grinning, Draco wondered if he'd ever be grinning himself inside his home with the laughter of his own children resonating within the large walls.

--+--

"Oh my god, I think I'm falling asleep," grumbled Ginny in a leather chair that was in front of a massive vanity mirror that belonged to Luna.

"Shush dear," chastised Molly as she dabbed on the last of the foundation.

"Colin, snap snap!" ordered Luna and immediately he began taking photos.

"You're lucky I'm doing this for your portfolio Colin," grumbled Ginny again. Her eyes were seeing spots where they temporarily burnt by the flash of the camera. "Though I'm quite sure it's already overflowing."

"How to apply make up in preparation for a wedding? This is an opportunity too good to miss," jibed Colin with a grin.

"Okay, up" said Luna and Molly in unison and Ginny had no choice than to do as she was commanded.

"Colin, if you could please exit the room, the lady is getting changed," commanded Luna breathily, her eyes in their usual misty aura. When the door had closed, Ginny undressed quickly and looked at her wedding dress for a long moment. Ginny had long calmed herself over the sometimes frivolous nature of clothing – but her dress, she loved.

For a deceptively simple dress, the price was quite high, but as Draco had promised, "_if it is what my Ginny wants, it is what my Ginny gets."_

She tentatively slipped into the gown and let her mother and her best friend lace up the back. Molly spoke first after everything was tightened and secured. "Dear, I'm glad I do not have to decrease the size of that dress again." Her voice was on the verge of breaking and Ginny quickly tried to avert the commotion of a emotional mother-in-law-to-be.

"Oh mum… it's…" but Molly cut of her off.

"Oh dear, you just look so beautiful! That's all, oh my little girl, you were always so little – all grown up. Getting married to a wonderful man… Oh I…" and the tears came bursting out.

"Mrs Weasley… have a tissue," offered Luna.

Whilst Luna was busy calming Ginny's mother, Ginny looked carefully at herself in a full length mirror. Her mother had done a wonderful job with her long wavy hair, having it in a half up with a complex bun at the back. Tendrils of loose curls framed her pale face and the rest of her hair cascaded over her bare shoulders and back.

The dress hugged every curve of slim body and accentuated everything so well that Ginny almost suspected magic was involved. Luna was still consoling her mother who had reached the blubbering stage so she slipped on her closed pointy-toed satin heels herself and admired the way her dress was cut _just so_ that the tips of the expensive shoes peeked out.

Once again, Ginny examined her appearance in the mirror. Firetruck red hair, light mascara on her lashes and a soft pink lipgloss. Her chest, shoulders and back were currently devoid of any freckles due to Ginny's extended time inside of the hospital. Her modest bust was revealed enticingly without being improper.

The rest of silk flowed past her legs comfortably and Ginny could not resist doing a little swirl. For once in a long time, Ginny felt beautiful without Draco beside her. For the past few years she had looked into the mirror to have a gaunt and haggard face stare back bleakly.

Colin had decided that he'd been waiting outside for long enough and reentered room to gasp.

"Ginny!"

"Yes, Colin?" grinned Ginny, executing another twirl for him. Molly had finally calmed down and she and Luna took their time to stare at the bride with gaping mouths.

"You look beautiful," they all gasped in a chorus.

"I'd better," said Ginny cheekily, feeling a happy buzz within her. "It's taken us the better part of the whole day to get me ready."

"This will complete my portfolio," murmured Colin in slight awe as he pressed the shutter down on his camera and Ginny smiled a radiant smile.

--+--

Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini apparated themselves into the grand entrance of the recently restored Malfoy Manor half an hour before the service was to begin. Draco was pleased as he inspected the going ons around him with a cold detachment that everything was according to schedule.

He was currently standing in the middle of the aisle which was the grand entrance. The aisle started at the top of the towering staircase which wove its way down to the centre of the entrance to continue forth out the massive front doors and through the seats to host the guests outside – to an altar sheltered by a garland arch, to the place where history would be made - a marriage between a Malfoy and a Weasley.

Draco stopped for a moment and lost himself in the hustle and bustle of the hired hands rushing around, helping guests, transferring food – and it wasn't until a youth of about fourteen with a face covered in pimples accidentally walked backwards into him did Draco snap out of it.

"Nervous?" asked Blaise.

"I just want to see her. In retrospect – I haven't gone a half day without seeing Ginny for at least a year," replied Draco.

"She's fine," said Blaise in a relaxed tone, drawing out the 'fine.' "She's with Luna."

"Luna is delusional," quipped Draco.

Blaise half growled and said something along the lines of "that's my wife. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Ah, young Mr Malfoy," whose deep resounding voice was unmistakable. Draco did not know whether to grin, to sneer or to tremble at the thought of seeing his old headmaster again. Instead, he settled with friendly passiveness.

"Headmaster," nodded Draco politely.

"No no, Draco. We're both far too old for you to use that title," chuckled Dumbledore. Draco could not deny there was that ever present pain-in-the-arse twinkle in his eyes.

"Thank you again for being the minister to our wedding," began Draco, but Dumbledore cut in.

"No, thank you for giving me an opportunity to see love between two people who are very much made for each other."

"Malfoy and a Weasley union?" prompted Draco.

"I'd never thought I'd live to see the day, but I'm very glad I have. Though, you may want to take your position at the altar, because I believe by the frantic activity upstairs, Ginny will be apparating here soon."

Draco simply returned a half-smile and a half-smirk and made his way through the crowds with Blaise trailing him like a grinning idiot.

The image in front of Draco was very surreal. The sun was shining as much as possible in the English skies, the grass looked as though it were to burst with green and Draco swore he had never seen a group of guests look so happy and excited.

The undeniable theme of sapphire peppered the furniture and the decoration – and that made Draco smile because he imagined Ginny smiling herself. He could then feel the guests assembling in their designated areas and he smirked because he knew he was the center of attention.

Draco then proceeded to have his breath catch in his throat and to nearly trip on his own feet. Somehow, despite the twin's security expertise with the strictly controlled guestlist, Narcissa Malfoy was smirking at him, not two metres away.

"Draco, you alright mate?" asked Blaise from behind him in the aisle.

"…My mother. Narcissa. She's here," said Draco, struggling to get the words out. Draco had that unsettling feeling of having one's confidence completely shattered. His mind could not process whether his mother's presence was a good thing or a bad. The only phrase that was going through is mind was _why now? _

"What crack are you - …" Blaise trailed off. Blaise soon realised that Draco was not high on any narcotics and that the woman who was his best friend's mother was truly sitting in the pews, smirking up at them.

Draco however recovered in record pace. He recovered his breathing and his steps were fluid. He could not miss the almost imperceptible nod of approval that he used to always crave from Narcissa – and Draco still felt proud of his mother's praise. He averted his eyes away from his mother's superior gaze and felt extremely shocked to the core. He had not expected to feel that emotion ever again, but since he did, he was glad.

Was his life finally becoming complete now?

A few steps later, Draco had made it to the altar and was now devoid of any thoughts of his long-missing mother and complete with anticipation of his bride-to-be. He stood smartly, proudly and handsomely with his best man standing honorably beside him.

Dumbledore made his stately walk up the aisle toward Draco and Blaise, dressed in full velvety blue robes that were peppered stars and moons. Before taking his place behind the podium, Albus Dumbledore smiled simply at Draco and Draco found the irresistible desire to smile back.

The first chords of _Canon _by Pachelbel lilted, and Draco felt his heart beat in his chest.

--+--

Ginny felt alive. When the first chords of _Canon _picked up, Luna and her mother had stopped fussing over her instantly. With the grand staircase and the fifteen meter aisle ahead of her, Ginny held her bouquet of blue and white orchids with a calmness that disguised her true excitement.

Time seemed to be in slow-motion with a glorious light shining through from a corner, making her appreciate every little moment passing by, making her see everything with a glazed happiness. The many eyes that followed her with happiness and awe, they sparkled. The sapphire of the decoration was everything she desired, and Ginny felt invincible.

When Draco came into focus, Ginny just could not comprehend anything else except for that man. When she was parallel to him, she came to a standstill and so did Luna who was beaming with happiness.

_Canon's _last notes were played… held - then silenced. Dumbledore took a moment's pause before reading in a commanding, enticing voice.

Ginny could not help but not hear – for her complete attention was on the man who was the love of her life. They held each other's gaze steadily, just as they had been able to since they were seventeen.

Dumbledore's reading came to a well applauded close and everyone waited with bated breaths while they gazed toward the bride and groom. There was a long moment where Draco and Ginny continued loosing themselves in each other.

"I, Draconis Xavier Malfoy, do take you, Ginevra Molly Weasley as my wife, whom I will give my heart unto indefinitely – whom I will love until the end of time."

Ginny's heart swelled at the simplicity of Draco's vows. Her happiness did not feel earthly, and she felt her heart was to burst with joy – not only because she was getting married, but because Draco also understood her depth of character – he understood her appreciation for simplicity.

There was another pause where Blaise proudly presented small, velvety and open box to Draco. The ring was collected gently and slipped slowly onto Ginny's pale, slender finger.

"I, Ginevra Molly Weasley, do take you – Draconis Xavier Malfoy as my husband – where no dimension of time, space nor death will divide my love for you."

The wedding band from Ginny to Draco was presented by a lucid Luna.

"If there are any objections to this loving union – please do not speak for this moment is too precious," said Dumbledore clearly. "And forever, hold your peace. Draco – you may kiss your bride."

Draco and Ginny leaned together as smoothly, as comfortably and as naturally as sighing a soft sigh of contentment. With Ginny in Draco's arms and their lips in a soft embrace – they sought love each other and from the passionate applause of the wedding guests.

--+--

"Mrs Ginny Malfoy…" murmured Ginny to Draco softly. "I sound far too innocent for the title."

"No. You sound like my new wife. You sound beautiful. You look beautiful – Ginny, you are beauty," replied Draco softly. Ginny responded by taking another long hard look at her husband's face. She etched every platinum lock, every obscure laughter line, every pattern in Draco's eyes and found herself falling into his happy smile.

The newlywed pair were dancing together slowly midway through the reception in the grand ballroom of the Manor. After the moment of matrimony, they spent much time appreciating congratulations from vague acquaintances, heartfelt messages from many dear friends who had shown the couple support and happiness in the years that had passed.

Draco had finally experienced some blessings from Ginny's many brothers. Ginny and Draco were notably impressed that the usual fifteen threats from each brother were reduced to only four.

Ginny was finally introduced to Narcissa Malfoy in a discrete corner. Ginny was struck with a powerful familiarity when she met her mother-in-law.

"Mother," Draco had announced smoothly. "This is my new wife, Ginevra. If only I had known where you were, I could have told you how much I love her." Without any shame or hesitation, Draco leaned down and captured Ginny's lips briefly but intensely.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs Malfoy," said Ginny slightly dazed and still trying to recover from the kiss. "I… I never thought that I'd ever meet you. Your son and you are so alike."

"Your husband, my son – he's nothing like me," replied Narcissa sharply and Ginny recoiled slightly. Narcissa noted that the once-relaxed Draco stiffened almost imperceptibly and edged in front of Ginny minutely, as if an attempt to protect Ginny from the verbal comments.

"Draco, my child. I'm sorry. You will never see me again after this moment – but I love you. However, a lifetime's chasm has separated us – and I know that some things can never be forgiven. Ginny, I never expected much from a poor Weasley, but you saw through Draco's façade. If you were _ever _to see through mine, you would not be so quick to assume likeliness."

There was a pause where Ginny and Narcissa shared a stare where neither moved but both judged.

"Have my blessing and have my final goodbye," finished Narcissa. Draco and Ginny silently nodded their appreciation and a moment after they had blinked, Narcissa Malfoy was gone.

--+--

The reception party were readying themselves for the succulently coursed dinner and many thoughts had turned inwards to what was to be served. Draco and Ginny were inseparable for the majority of the evening and many people noticed.

Soft music filtered through the grand ballroom and through the guest's voices and the newlywed couple rested in each other's arms and swayed gently in time.

"We did it Draco..." said Ginny gently. "We've made history, I'm now a Malfoy – I beat time. I am so incredibly happy… I know that I'm flying on the inside."

"Ginny," whispered Draco into his wife's ear for the sake of hearing her name spoken aloud. He didn't know that it was possible – but another wave of all-consuming love washed through Draco for her and his arms tightened instinctively.

"I never doubted that you loved me back. I never doubted we were meant for each other. I never doubted that we're both so strong," sighed Ginny faintly, her head resting just so in the crook of Draco's neck. At that moment, a fulfilling feeling peace and contentment swept over Ginny and she felt herself relax – feel more relaxed and unfettered than she had ever felt before.

Draco however began to feel the complete opposite. He had felt Ginny's body go slack after her murmurings and he realised that she was barely supporting her own weight anymore.

"Ginny," asked Draco, his voice undeniably laced with anxiety.

"I'm here," replied Ginny softly after a long pause in which Draco was beginning to agonize over Ginny's consciousness. Just before Draco was going to lift her chin to inspect her face, the crystal flute of champagne Ginny held slipped from her limp fingers and shattered loudly on the ground by their feet. At the moment of impact, Draco knew that something was very wrong.

"Ginny," Draco cried with anxiety – drawing attention from the unsuspecting guests. Nervous tittering began as people began to catch on. However, Draco held no notice – his heart was beating painfully fast with fear as he held onto his collapsing wife.

"Ginny! Answer me… oh Merlin please answer me…" said Draco – his voice bordering hysteria. He shifted Ginny's head off the crook of his neck and his heart expired when her head rolled backwards and her eyes stared at him unseeingly. Draco suddenly had a blessed moment of clarity from the panic and firstly he realised that Ginny was still breathing – softly, but breathing nonetheless. Secondly he noticed that people were starting to head towards him and he could not stand to share his wife whilst she was so fragile.

Draco executed the first course of action that occurred to him. He held onto Ginny as if the very air itself were to steal her from him and he apparated to wherever his subconscious desired.

--+--

Draco ended up at the very edge of his vast property – his inner-mind sought solace where his vast green fields met ever-vaster the blue ocean.

Ginny looked like an enlarged ragdoll dressed in its finest wedding apparel in his arms – and Draco could feel his heart breaking because of it. Her hair was askew from the quick journey and it obscured much of her face. Draco quickly set her down and shifted the locks so he could see her.

Draco could see that she was still breathing, but it seemed like at every moment it was slowing down to a stop. Draco could see her pupils dilating through half-closed lids and it was torture for him to watch. He closed the lids gently and squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to stem the pain and the tears which were starting to flow freely. Never had he felt so useless – so helpless to help the person who meant the most to him.

Draco reopened his eyes to a fractionally paler Ginny and his tears were suddenly unstoppable – cascading down his cheeks and onto her own deathly ones. Draco ran a pitiful mental list of things he could do for his dying wife and he remembered he'd packed a vial of medicinal potion just in case. Draco knew that the medication would not save his wife, but he clutched to the idea that it could give him more time with her. Draco knew that he never wanted anything more in that point and forever more than _more time._

He scrabbled at his pocket for the small vial and nearly crushed it with his panic. He tipped the contents into Ginny's parted mouth and worked her throat until he was certain everything had been swallowed.

Holding Ginny's immobile hands in his shaking ones, Draco waited desperately for the medication to take effect. Soon, some colour had worked its way into Ginny's cheeks and her eyes fluttered open. Relief flooded Draco as the eyes gazing into his were focused.

Ginny tried to speak but choked on residual potion instead.

"Oh Ginny, my beautiful Ginny. You're back, I thought you were about to die, don't ever leave me," rushed Draco, his words all coming out in one breath.

Draco waited moments while Ginny's breathing evened out, before she quietly murmured, "I'm so tired."

Draco's heart stuttered and felt like it was being stabbed. Never, in the whole span of their relationship had Ginny ever rejected him like she did just then. Draco could not help but let a strangled cry escape from within him.

"Oh please, don't – Ginny, I love you."

The sweetest smile Draco had ever seen graced Ginny's lips.

"Without a doubt, you love me to death." Some form of relief worked itself back into Draco, but that was temporary as Ginny continued. "To _death _Draco. It's so hard to accept…" Ginny paused and closed her eyes, as if to rest herself before resuming her part of the dialogue. "So hard…" she continued very softly, "so hard. But on the happiest day of my life, I've seen how it is to be."

Ginny paused again when she witnessed the pain written as clear as day on her husband's handsome face. She momentarily forgot her lack of strength as she tried to lift herself up in an attempt to soothe away some of Draco's internal pain. Draco supported her up with a strong heart and a crumbling heart.

"Don't cry Draco – I love you," murmured Ginny softly with the utmost conviction that this simple statement would alleviate the pain. Instead, the tears streamed forth from his eyes, falling onto Ginny's delicate nose and pale cheek.

"If you die, I die too. I cannot live without you Ginny. There's no point, there's just no point…" trailed Draco unexpectedly clearly, though his shoulders were heaving with silent sobs. In response, Ginny clutched desperately with her remaining strength at the folds of his now wrinkled wedding dress robes.

"Never, never ever say that or all the love I have for you is worthless!" cried Ginny, her once soft voice rising angrily, desperately, deathly.

"Ginny," said Draco after a few moments of composing and contemplation. "Ginny, if our roles were reversed, if _I _were the one to die this evening, in your arms, my last breath to be shared with yours, how would you react? How would you deal? How would you be able to keep breathing yourself?" he asked softly, his voice steady. "How could you? When you know that our hearts and souls are one?"

"I couldn't okay!" said Ginny anxiously as soon as the words were out of Draco's mouth. "But it isn't about me anymore! I love you so much sometimes I think it's just a fairytale because love like ours can't honestly exist in a world like this. But it _does. _I _love _you, and soon I will have _loved _you."

Draco simply clenched his whole body as a medium for the pain Ginny had just dealt him emotionally.

"I love you so much, Draco Malfoy. I became Ginny Malfoy for _you. _But don't let this pain kill you. Where are you? You were always supporting me and helping me deal with life because that's how life _is: _a bitch - a complete total bitch."

Draco did not reply and the controlled the shaking of his outer-body.

"The pain is all-consuming," murmured Draco levelly after a long moment of thought with Ginny's lucid eyes boring right into his.

Ginny let out a pent-up sigh. She knew that Draco was beginning to take some level of control and she leaned into Draco's loving, familiar, protective and comfortable embrace. She pressed her body as close to his and rested her head on his shoulder – like they always did.

From her vantage point from Draco's shoulder, Ginny could see directly into the sunset.

_How suitable _thought Ginny with a cynical twitch to her brow.

She could feel moisture running gently down her shoulder and further down her back – and she knew Draco could not control his feelings as much as Ginny wanted to live to keep Draco sane, to keep Draco happy.

"Ginny," Draco shakily began, but Ginny cut him off.

"I figured that you used that potion… Draco. I cannot deny I am glad to see you, but I'm so tired. I've enjoyed life, I suffered cancer and I loved you until I thought I could experience no other emotion. I'm not scared anymore. Listen to me carefully – I love you. Don't ever think when I'm gone that none of this, that none of our time together meant nothing. Because we mean so, so much. We matter. Everything is worth it because we _mattered. _Don't think it never mattered – don't think it was never worth it." she whispered fiercely, passionately.

"Ginny…" said Draco again, except this time it came out in a sigh and was laden with acceptance.

"We only have a short time left together. We've shared so many words in the past, and there will be so many more words in the future – but they're to be left unsaid."

Without another word, Draco lay Ginny on the soft caress of sandy grass and lay beside her, their bodies connected so closely – closer than even sex.

Time seemed a funny thing to Draco… It passed yet it didn't feel like it. Was Ginny's breathing getting slower? Shorter? Was her hand in his slackening? 'Denial isn't always a bad thing,' was what Draco suddenly thought – something Ginny always considered a truth.

He gazed down at the beautiful face of his wife – and could not help but feel lucky despite everything.

Suddenly Ginny whispered breathlessly, "never think it was never worth it… Goodbye Draco. I love you…"

A sense of acute disbelief flooded Draco, despite him being conscious of Ginny's body functions deteriorating. All residual tension had drained away and there was a look of contentment on Ginny's face. Draco did not think she had died until he witnessed her eyes dilate completely, leaving the once brown orbs black and cold – never to sparkle again.

Draco felt a door slam within him when her eyes blankened. His avenue of happiness, love and companionship had all died with Ginny, and Draco knew that half of his soul had too.

His heart beating erratically, Draco leaned over and choked on a sob as he closed the lids on Ginny's sightless eyes – he could not bear to see her so empty. The tears escaped in torrents, splashing all over his dead wife's eyes, but with a sickening acceptance, Draco knew that she'd never love him to ease the pain ever again.

Draco found he couldn't control himself and he didn't want to – as he brazenly crushed Ginny's lifeless body to his chest and keened his pain to the heartless world which didn't care, which took away from him the person he had loved the most.

--+--

**My apologies for a long update period… School started – what more shall I say? **

**Ginny passes away – but the plot denotes that she shall. **

**Thank you for your patience and appreciation, it makes writing fanfiction worthwhile. **

**If this fic has made you laugh, if it has made you sad and if it has made you smile, my objection for this story has been fulfilled.**

**Keep your eyes out for the epilogue.**

**Again, many thank yous,**

**Jessica/yourbeautifulnightmare**


	10. Chapter 10

Hi everyone!

I'd like to sincerely apologise to you loyal readers for me not updating the final chapter – the epilogue of _Voident Tangent._

My very pathetic excuse for not doing so is because my final two years of school started, and as I frantically went about doing lots of homework and failing half my classes and after all that was done, I was too tired and too lacking in brain juice to write an inspired epilogue.

For those who write themselves… I hope you know how I mean by that after over eleven months of not writing for a particular fic – the inspiration and motivation and output of ideas and energy required to write fades away, and that it is very, extremely difficult to continue forth and get back into the swing of things.

My school year is over for now, and I'm on holidays – I tried completing the epilogue but I found it was _crap. _Absolute crap – and I fear it will not do the fic justice.

So, I have decided to conclude _Voided Tangent_ with nine chapters instead of ten.

For those who have put my on story alert – I am sincerely sorry, although I don't think you even remember this fic existing anymore.

Thank you all for reading, reviewing and hopefully enjoying this fic!

yourbeautifulnightmare


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